Meeting the grandparent challenge

Times Contributor 

 

Grandparents often say it is easier looking after a grandchild because they can have all the fun without the responsibility. However, they soon come to understand some responsibilities and challenges go with the role of grandparent.

The information that Celia Osenton gave in a workshop at the Seniors Expo was a great help to beginning grandparents. The Expo was held Sept 14, at the Hope Church and Osenton touched on the responsibilities and challenges grandparents face with their intergenerational connections.

“We are responsible for the relationship we have with the child and parent,” said Osenton, encouraging grandparents to take ownership of how they interact and communicate with their families, without placing blame.

She outlined the roles that grandparents take on. They nurture, care-give, become role models and are the historians of the family. In return, the grandchild gives love, laughter and a chance to experience things from a new perspective.

She identified the importance of a good working relationship with the grandchild’s parents, encouraging the grandparents to use methods consistent with the rules the parents set out.

“If you show respect for your children’s rules for the grandchild, it will cement the relationship,” said Osenton, emphasizing that grandparents should not overstep boundaries in attempts to be helpful.

In caregiving, there are often discipline issues. While many people use a ‘Time Out’ method of getting the child to calm down and reflect on their behaviour, Osenton suggested also using the time In method. Time In is giving children examples of positive behaviour that can replace the negative act. Giving them positive choices allows them to feel empowered and eliminates power struggles. She noted the use of the word ‘don’t’ is not often heard by the child, but the rest of the sentence sticks in their brain.

She encouraged seniors to familiarize themselves with literature on current child rearing methods, as they may be different from what they used as a parent. She also suggested familiarizing themselves and participating in things that interest the grandchildren, especially as the child gets older.

She discussed strained family relationships that occurred prior to the birth of a grandchild. She encouraged grandparents to remedy the situation. To restore the relationship with the parent and child, take small measures toward re-establishing the relationship. Write a letter to their child expressing the desire to have a relationship with the grandchild and work out problems with their children, for the sake of the grandchild. Talk about healthy boundaries. Get a mediator or professional help if necessary.