SloPitch and Mothers’ Day … reasons to drink!

Pat Fule
Fule for Thought

 

So … I’m now playing SloPitch in the local league after a 30-year absence! How the league kept going without me all these years is still a mystery to me! But, here I am, a little older, hopefully a little wiser, and definitely a little heavier.
In fact, there’s no hiding from your shadow. If you feel pretty good about yourself, or you’ve been reciting positive sayings to yourself about how you’re “comfortable in your skin” … that all vanishes when you see your shadow on a sunny ball night in Carseland!
Now that could also explain why I got booed at my very first “at bat!’
It would mean six more weeks of winter! Or, it could also mean I sucked as a teacher, and this was their chance to let me know!
A big shout out to “Jugz and Thugz,’ who we played at Crowfoot Diamond last week. What a fun bunch of people to play! Of course, more of their team knew me than I thought, and I took a lot of joking and heckling! By the way “Jugz and Thugz” … I’m not 74 years old!
I got bugged about the hat I wore, the one high swing I whiffed on, and how I ran (waddled)! We were winning in the second game, and their team was starting to argue a bit. I finally yelled out, “if you wanna yell at me again, that’s okay!” Meanwhile, my team has now banned me from wearing my hat again … what’s so wrong with a grey corduroy ball hat … I thought it was retro!?
Mothers’ Day also hit earlier this month, and of course my daughter was totally unprepared! I mean, when it’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon, on Mothers’ Day and you’re starting to shop, should you be surprised when all the cards are gone?!
Breanne was trying to pick through the last dregs of cards left behind by other last minute kids, and turned to me in a panic. “What am I gonna do, they’re all picked over!”
Now, a “Brady Bunch” or “Cosby Show” dad would have had a wise idea and lesson for her to hear (actually, with the news lately, I’m better off not being Cliff Huxtable!). So, all I was left with, was my modern day sarcasm from the classic book: “How NOT to Be a Comforting Dad When Your Kid Screws Up.”
This may not have been a best-seller, but I love it! So, with almost no cards to pick from, and her sad, doe-like eyes, begging for help, I responded. “What’s the big deal, Bree … it’s 3 o’clock. You still have nine hours until Mom’s special day is over! I mean, all she did, was give you life!”
Breanne was not impressed, and she asked me to cut it out, and just help! I, however, was not yet done. “Gee, I can hardly wait for next month, Breanne.”
She looked back at me with a blank expression. That’s when I knew Deb would probably be doing a similar shopping trip with her late on Fathers’ Day! I brought us back to the Mothers’ Day panic. “Breanne, Breanne, I have a great idea,” I said in my most convincingly concerned voice. “Get Mom a ‘Sympathy’ card!”
She looked more confused than normal, and asked why? I said, “you buy a Sympathy card, and write on it: sorry, I’m such a crappy daughter!”
I laughed right out loud at that one … this whole shopping trip was way more fun than I thought! Breanne really did get Deb a great gift … she bought her a bouquet of roses, so she did redeem herself!
So, another Mothers’ day has come and gone, and I “look forward” with some worry about Fathers’ Day. I’m sure Breanne will be in a “tizzy” again, struggling to get that perfect gift for “good old dad!”
But, don’t worry … I’ll have the last laugh, even years from now, when I’m dead! Guess who’s getting that old corduroy hat in the will?
(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)