Shop around

Pat Fule
Fule for Thought

 

Shopping takes many forms, and also has many experiences … some good, some strange, and some distasteful. Recently, I was at a famous “juice establishment.”
I was looking at all the signs on health and nutrition, and was reading one on “wheatgrass.”
One of my students working there said, “you should really try it, Mr. Fule. It’s an acquired taste, but once you get used to it, it’s okay, and it’s awesome for you!”
I foolishly said okay, and she whipped up what I thought was a fairly large taste sample (that’s when I knew I must have done something wrong, and that this was payback!).
So, I sipped. Now, you should never just sip wheatgrass, just like no one I know, sips Tequila! You throw it back, and pray it doesn’t kill you. That’s what juiced wheatgrass is like. Pretend you’ve scraped the inside of your lawn mower out, made a big, sloppy clump of it, and then squeezed all that goodness into a glass. Mmm, mmm, refreshing!
However, it was not good, it was horrible. I wanted to gag, and for brief seconds, punch that young girl! I still hadn’t finished it all, so I felt I had to throw down the last bit. It really did taste like I had drunk somebody’s lawn clippings! I turned to Deb, and gave her a green sludgy smile, praying I wouldn’t “hurl”!
Speaking of gross, one of my favorite things to do in the Co-Op is when I see a teacher pal at the till – I like to ask, good-naturedly (I might add), if he’s found the ointment for that bad rash he’s had? Yep, it warms my heart for other shoppers (and him) to know that I worry about his “oily discharge” and that I hope it stops weeping soon! Just seeing his reaction, is thanks enough for my care and concern!
Karma can be a “you know what” though. Last fall, I made the mistake of shopping at the Co-Op with my son, Brennen and his girlfriend. I sent him off to get one thing, one thing … frozen French fries. At the till, where a former female student was working, Bren placed the bag of fries down. The cashier looked at me with a mix of laughter, and probably disgust! That’s when I saw what was so wrong.
“That’s not mine, I don’t know where that came from … Brennen, you jerk!”
He was nowhere to be seen. There, beneath the frozen fries was a certain lubricant product! I scanned all around the area, and saw him laughing next to Abbey! I think I was able to get out of that one, but she did mumble, “sure, Mr. Fule, sure!”
Deb and I were recently on another shopping extravaganza at West Ed. Boy, that’s a fun place! You take shopping, which I hate, and place every possible store in one massive location where you have to use a map to trek back and forth. Luckily, Deb let me bail, and camp out at Sherlock Holmes Pub. That’s where the “strange” part of shopping entered.
A young couple at the pub asked me if I could watch their shopping bags while they had a smoke. I said, “I’ll guard it like a pit bull.”
They laughed, and off they went. The waitress was confused when she brought drinks, and I explained. There was an older couple next to me, and the husband piped up, “we’ll split the stuff with you!”
I laughed and said I couldn’t run as fast as before, and that someone may have to take the “fall.” That’s when he pointed at his wife on her cell phone, and she, not knowing what was going on, gave me the “thumbs up!”
After a while, the young couple returned and thanked me. I replied that “I had to fight off this other couple for your stuff!”
The older man said, “hey, I was gonna shove her off the stool … we could’ve made a clean getaway!”
His wife gave me another “thumbs up” and kept talking on her phone! Whether you’re shopping for a healthy drink, French Fries, or worst of all, clothes, shopping can definitely be an adventure. Somehow there are ways to make it more fun and you can meet some really cool people (maybe not my son, but others!). Oh, and don’t forget to try the wheatgrass shooters! We’ve got to recycle those lawn clippings!

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)