My strangest (and only) baby shower!

Fule for Thought

 

So, I have to “rant” a little here. I was at a serious banquet recently, and Grace was being said. Some guy’s cell phone rang! Now, that’s not the part that bothered me, because that happens to all of us. Our cell phones ring when we don’t want them to, and most of us race to mute them, or shut them off. This guy, however did none of those things, he actually took the call, and talked on his cell during Grace! So, while we listened to the meal prayer, we also got to hear the guy talk on his phone! Now, to me, if you talk on a cell phone during Grace, you should be a Head of State dealing with some attack on your country, a transplant doctor getting word of a donor for a needy kid, or maybe you’re talking to God yourself! However, when I stood behind him a half hour later in the dessert line, there didn’t appear to be a major emergency! Sorry, but I am still a bit stunned … who takes a cell call during Grace?

There was a Baby Shower at our house, and no, I’m not going to be a Grandpa! Brennen and I were pondering staying for a while, even though there’d be a lot of talk about babies. I even set up a play list on my iPod for them, but I don’t think they liked all the songs. Why wouldn’t Metallica fit in to a Baby Shower’s tunes? I asked if there were going to be “keg stands” later, and should I also get some tequila? The ladies looked at me with their little punch and wine glasses, and well, I felt judged! Huh, Metallica and Tequila may have been just what the shower needed … or so I thought!

So, Bren and I slipped out to play pool badly at BPs (you know you’re bad when your server actually mocks you during the game!). Luckily, the bar was really quiet, so we had very few witnesses to our terrible skills! After a few pints, and a few hours, we hoped things would be winding down when we got back. It was here that we got a “taste” of why we left! The gals had played “The Baby Diaper Game.” 

For those of you who don’t know, this is a popular Baby Shower game where there are numbered diapers. In each diaper is placed a melted chocolate bar! I had to buy these bars and they were: an Oh Henry, a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, an Aero Mint, a Cookies and Crème, and lastly, a Coffee Crisp! Then, the “fun” of the game begins! Each lady gets a turn to touch, smell, and guess which repulsive looking diaper has which chocolate bar! Then, they write down their guesses on sheets of paper. For the guys reading, why would anyone want to practise looking at “sludge” they are going to face in a few months anyway?! I guess the person who has the most correct picks wins. Can you imagine what a melted Oh Henry bar looks like in a baby diaper?! I can, because I foolishly looked, after the game was over. It was horrible … I felt nauseous! The only thing that obviously was missing was any kind of horrible odor. I wondered what the ladies would have done if Brennen and I had scooped out some of the Oh Henry, or Coffee Crisp, and ate them?! That would have changed up the game, eh?

I must admit, the Oh Henry bar didn’t look as bad as the Coffee Crisp did! I was definitely a bit rattled. I decided I better have a cold beverage with ice, you know, to calm my grossed out nerves! In the fridge were innocent looking ice cubes in trays (or so I thought). I dropped a few in my glass, and as the ice melted, I realized that there were tiny babies in each ice cube! Who does that, and why? I fished the miniature boy baby out of my drink, and asked “what kind of Baby Shower is this? You people are sick!” 

Wow, they have Poopy Diaper games, shrunken kids on ice, yet we can’t have Metallica at the shower! It did make me wonder if there was still some sick Giant Baby piñata game to come!

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)