Life is a Highway (thanks Tom C.)

By Pat Fule Random Thoughts

With my current job, I’ve had to drive to the city twice a month. I do have to say it’s pretty fast to commute to Calgary from Strathmore (subtle endorsement for Strathmore living)!
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank whomever is responsible for the little “tropical island” on the south side of the Trans-Canada, on the way to and from Calgary. I think it’s hilarious that someone would be witty enough to put palm trees on a small bit of dirt above their farm pond! Every time I drive by this, I smile. I keep thinking of Gilligan’s Island when I see it, and one day, I’d love to see someone in a Hawaiian shirt on that “island” waving to drivers. That would make my day!
Also, while this commuter’s making suggestions … how about some big shark fins above the water? And … thanks for making me laugh every time I pass by!
I also drive Glenmore Trail a lot to get to Mount Royal University (MRU) for meetings. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed it, but there’s a “hangin’ tree” for stuffed animals. Many cute, cuddly “stuffies” are hung on branches on the north side of Glenmore Trail when you come into the city limits. I don’t know if they’re bad stuffies who committed illegal stuffy crimes, or maybe they were terrorist stuffies. I’d like to think it’s for humour, but then I thought maybe they’re a memorial to a loss of someone. This week, I even parked on the shoulder there to see if there was a sign. I didn’t stay long as I a) was worried my rental car might get rear ended and b) didn’t want to get shot as a trespasser! If any of you 13.5 readers know the actual reason for the hanging animals, please let me know.
When I first got the loaner for a service job we had done, I drove it to Chinook Centre for a quick shopping trip and put it in the parkade. After trudging around for a few hours of shopping I discovered it was missing! I looked all around the parkade and realized I’d only had it for a few minutes, I wasn’t even sure of the colour. I wandered around the parkade pressing the fob’s lock button, but … nothing. How was I going to tell the dealership that in no time someone stole my loaner? I must’ve looked like a car thief myself, or a homeless guy looking for a safe nap spot … it was awful. I finally decided to retrace my drive. I went out the entrance, walked toward the west, and discovered I’d put it on the second level, not the first.
I was hoping no one had been watching this whole debacle (big word, eh? I learn these from Councillor Peterson). On council, we really feel she should have closed captioning in front of her, as I’m always looking up her words on my cell phone. Sometimes I’m nodding as if I understand, until I actually see the definition on the phone!
So … as I’m driving out and kicking myself, I notice I’m doing another dumb thing. I’m not sure if you’ve ever done this, but I was ducking a bit behind the wheel as I drove under cross beams. Sure, they’re lower than the parkade’s ceiling, but they have to be high enough for vehicles. And what good would ducking inside the car do anyway? It’s not like it’d help me not scrape the roof if it was too low (maybe regular commuting does take a toll on a person).
This driving experience took me back to my first “drive-In date” way back in 1976 (yes, I really am that old … I know my boyish looks might have fooled you!).
All through the previews, dancing popcorn and drink characters moved across the big screen, asking us to spend $85 on a pop, hot dog, and popcorn. They also reminded us to hang our speaker on the window before we drove away. I should’ve listened to these guys before I did drive away. With a loud bang I looked out my window to see I’d killed the speaker. It hung from my car, its cord limply hanging. I was mortified and I’m pretty sure I lit up the car with my embarrassed blush! It was the first and last date with this girl … I knew the signs of future rejection!
Later that fall, on Hallowe’en night, I was driving my friend home from work in Banff. Stupidly, I was trying to rally drive on the highway near Two Jack Lake. It was snowing and I went into a skid. Long story short, I rolled my first car, totalling it. Luckily, neither of us were hurt badly beyond some stitches, but again, I had killed another thing … my car. Needless to say, I was crushed for having been so stupid, and for what could’ve happened to my friend. Our parents were more relieved than mad, although I did get an earful most of that evening from my dad. He wasn’t big but he was fiery … and did he fire! Near the end of the evening, he said to me in his thick Hungarian accent, “you not going to school tomorrow. You drive mom and me to Calgary to Christmas shopping!”
I couldn’t believe my ears … he was going to make me drive the day after we were almost killed? “You not going to be scared to drive. You have to come with us tomorrow.”
I’m sure I argued and I probably whined like teenagers do. However, Joe was steadfast … he had decided, and it was a done deal. I was scared driving the next day, but I was also more cautious. Looking back now, it was a brilliant decision! He made me get right back behind the wheel so I wouldn’t be afraid to drive. It was tough love and a powerful lesson, but it was love. It’s been 42 years since then and I believe my dad did the right thing. I guess the old TV show was right: “Father Knows Best.”
(Random Thoughts is a slice of life humorous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, current mayor, husband, father and grandfather – Pat Fule. He is also a former town councillor, high school teacher and coach. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)