Shame on me!
Pat Fule
Fule for Thought
Embarrassment comes to us in all forms, and often happens when we’re totally vulnerable and least expect it. For me recently, it happened right in my own home where you think you’d be in your safe, happy place!
In fact, there’s nothing quite like falling into the laundry room from the garage. You know … when you’ve said goodbye to your spouse, think she’s done talking, and you step into the garage to tie your shoes. I foolishly thought Deb was done, so I leaned against the door to lace up the old runners. She had one more instruction to give me, and pulled open the door, causing me to literally fall in to the laundry room, at her feet! It’s quite a shock to feel your only support give way, and wind up in a room you just left. I’ve now learned to use the steps for support!
Sometimes the embarrassment happens in public where there’s no real place to hide. Once, years ago, Deb and I were picking up some bank forms. The bank lady politely asked Deb for some photo ID, and Deb reached in her purse to find her Driver’s License. With a smooth flourish, Debbie pulled out her wallet, and with it, out flew a new factory sealed tampon! It was literally launched from the purse, up in the air, and it gently bounced in front of the bank lady!
What do you do at a time like? I know what I do … I laugh! “… not sure if you needed that personal ID!”
I continued to laugh, and Debbie, who is a very discrete and modest person, wilted in embarrassment!
A few years ago, my son decided to put me in my own awkward predicament. He and his new girlfriend came grocery shopping with me. You can imagine my horror when it was time to pay the cashier, and our eyes met at the same time, at the same items Brennan had slipped into my groceries. There mixed in with the groceries was a certain brand of lubricant (not WD-40)!
These are not the kinds of groceries I regularly buy, and I think the poor cashier is now scarred … I know I am. Then to top it off, I had to go and “re-stock” this item that I did not want, all while Brennen skulked and laughed at the end of an aisle!
I used to love to scare Breanne and any friends she had over. Once at one of Brennen’s U of C games, I was sure Bree and her friend had gone ahead to our Silver minivan. I stealthily crept up to the driver’s door, threw it open and screamed as loud as I could. I felt it was my best serial killer impression, too. But, as you can imagine … wrong van!
“I’m so sorry … I’m sorry,” was all I could manage. The couple had been looking at a city map … it was now plastered all over the lady’s face. The poor people were absolutely terrified (I’m so glad Canadians can’t carry hand guns!).
They never even had time to get angry, as I sprinted over to the right van … to be teased mercilessly by my daughter! That became a “start the car, start the car” moment!
My latest escapade happened this summer. It’s one of those moments when true fear and embarrassment hit you right in the face. My son and his fiancé’s family were in Osoyoos, and I’ve been learning to use a ride on mower. In fact, I’m starting to feel like a farmer, on their acreage! So, at the end of my cutting, as I was putting everything away, I realized I had to go to the bathroom. To word this delicately, I had to urinate … to “tinkle”, you know … so, I popped into their powder room, to “do my job.”
No one told me that the main water was shut off! Flush … nothing … flush … panic. What was I to do, I couldn’t leave like this, for them to discover my “gift!”
So, I raced to the kitchen, filled coffee pot after coffee pot with water from their cooler, and I was able to get the stupid toilet to flush! I thought this was great until I realized that I had pretty much emptied their water cooler! They would wonder who drank all their water, now what? So … having been raised a good Catholic, I phoned Brennen and Abbey’s dad to “confess.”
My “penance” has, of course, been some laughter and ridicule! So, from now on I’m using the “Great Outdoors” next time “Nature” calls!
(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)