Halloween, bah humbug!
Pat Fule
Fule for Thought
Hopefully, with this column, I won’t lose any of my 23 readers. However, I really feel honesty is very important.
“Oh sure,” you’re probably thinking! “He’s a politician and is talking about honesty!”
Actually, to me, “politician” is a four letter word, and I’ve tried so hard to not go to that “dark side!”
And, yes, I’m aware that “politician” has more than four letters … even if I don’t teach math! Believe it or not, there is a point to this column.
You see, I’m one of those “scrooges” (as I’ve been called) who hates Halloween. How it became a 6 billion dollar commercial “holiday” is beyond me. I hate everything about it: the decorations, now the lighting you’re supposed to have, dressing up in uncomfortable costumes to be stared at, and most of all, giving candy out to kids I may not even know! And, don’t get me started on what I think about anyone over the age of 13, who’s going door to door with a few black marker lines on his face, with a parka, and a pillow case to snag free stuff!
To me, if you’re in Grade 9 and trick or treating, you should be collecting either food for the food bank, or money for a charity! Whew … sorry for ranting, but I don’t get how this night morphed into what it is now.
History Lesson with Pat Fule: Around 1000 AD, All Hallows Eve became a day to honour the dead. The Church wanted to replace the Celtic “festival of the dead” with a church sanctioned holiday. Hundreds of years later, it began to change. People were always worried about harsh winters, less day light, and were especially afraid of spirits coming back to the earthly world. In fact, when they left their houses at this time, they would often wear masks, so any ghosts might mistake them as fellow spirits, and leave them alone. Or … go after Henry or Joseph, who forgot their masks!
Even back then, guys were jerks to each other! Imagine you being the only guy without a mask, and Henry and Joseph are both pointing at you!
People also left out bowls of food to appease the ghosts so they wouldn’t try and enter their homes. Between 1920 and 1950, Halloween again began to change. Trick or Treating took off and kids began their house visits in search of free treats, and the communities felt it was a great way to bring everyone together.
The idea became: if you were a “good” neighbor, and gave out treats, then those cute, little neighborhood scamps wouldn’t trick you! To me, it sounds like extortion! Give me candy, or I’ll play a trick on you or your house?!
Why not just kidnap my dog, and hold it for ransom, so you can get your O Henry bar? Oh, and God help me, if I give out something that the little ghoul may not like! I do like to harass older teens who come to my house!
I have been known to say things like: “Hey, what are, you 30? Why aren’t you doing something constructive? You know, 70 years ago, some guys lied about their age to fight in WWII, and here you are, hiding your age, so you can get candy!”
And, yes, don’t worry … they get their candy, but it comes with a price!
Leaving out food bowls to keep ghosts out, reminds me of a creepy Halloween almost 30 years ago. Deb and I were living in our first home in the Maplewood area, and the doorbell rang, on a busy Halloween Night. In walked a person (we never really knew the gender!) with a large overcoat, gloves, and a full mask. This “guest” made itself home, and sat at our kitchen table for quite a while.
At first it was funny, laughing, and trying to guess the mystery person. As the minutes went on though, it began to creep us out. This person wasn’t going to unmask, and was just sitting there. I finally said, “look, joke’s over, either unmask, and we’ll all have a laugh, leave, or I call the RCMP.”
The person casually stood up, and sauntered out the front door. That was it … I locked the door, shut off all our lights, and that was it for Halloween 1987!
We did decide a long time ago, to help out the poor people who have to shuffle along with the little ones on frigid Halloween Nights. We actually give out little shots of “refreshing beverages” to help them on their way! Our next door neighbor figured it out quickly. He’d bring one son over … get a shot. He’d go home and bring over the other little ghoul, get another shot. Then, when the kids petered out, he’d stop by for a final one! Now that made Halloween more fun for a “Grinch” who doesn’t like it! I mean, when you give a shot, you can’t be rude, and have your “guest” drink alone?!
(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)