Okay, so I’m not Steve McQueen!

Pat Fule
Fule for Thought

 

Recently, Deb and I went to the Canmore Lions’ Charter Night. It was a nice evening with a great meal. In addition, there was a silent auction and a 50/50 draw. The beauty of this was that Deb won that draw, and she pocketed a cool $270! That’s the good part.
The bad part, is that she was one busy little silent auction shopper, and came away with three items! The strangest part was that she bid for and “won” a $20 cheese knife. Now, I have no problem with her buying anything, but a cheese knife? My wife is lactose intolerant! Why on earth would she buy a cheese knife? I laughed about this all evening, and I’m still bugging her today! I mean, I can’t swim to save my life, but I wouldn’t buy a day pass to a swimming pool! So, if anyone wants a cheese knife still in the wrapper, let us know!
I can’t be mad at her, it was pretty funny, and I am a pretty lucky guy to have her! I mean, it’s not like I’m a Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise (although I am almost as odd as old Tom)!
In fact, I’m not the kind of guy who’s ever turned the ladies’ heads. Oh sure, there was a time (50 pounds ago) when some girl might’ve smiled at me, but I was always worried if I reacted, it’d turn out she was smiling at the guy behind me! In fact, some of my high school students have seen old SHS yearbook photos of me. The usual reaction is something like: “that’s you? Really, you looked so young then, and your hair is so brown! What happened?”
It’s then I that I point out to them that they (high school students) have sucked the life energy from me, and this is the shell that’s left! Sure, it’s a larger, softer shell … but it’s still a shell!
There really is only one time in a bar when I can remember any girl showing interest in me! It was in Canmore in 1997, when we were all out for my father’s funeral. That summer I had been running regularly, and doing a lot of physical yard work on our new house. So, what I’m trying to say is that this was the only time when all the stars were aligned … this was to be my “Perfect Storm.”
Or rather, slight shower! My brother, another pal, and I were at the Drake Pub in Canmore, as my dad was a regular there. We were sitting at a table with the manager Dave, drinking draft, and the other guys were also smoking cigars. We were basically telling stories about my dad. A young lady had joined us, and she was telling me about her volunteer work with seniors, and I remember complimented her on her positive attitude and volunteerism. I never noticed anything, even when she asked me if I smoked cigars, too. I said they were gross, and she said “good” as she excused herself to the bathroom.
That’s when Dave the manager said, “wow, she’s really into you! She never hangs around a table with any of my friends, she’s definitely interested.”
I believe I stuttered the words, “are you k-k-idding me?”
My pal, who was here for dad’s funeral said something like, “you dog!”
The problem was, this does not happen to me, and I didn’t know what to do! The one thing that came to me was “get out of there!”
And so I did! In fact, I ran (probably not in a very straight line) to the nearest phone booth … you remember those?! Deb was at her parents with our kids, and back then we only had one cell phone. So, I called her and explained the whole situation. I guess I was expecting a heartfelt reaction, or an “I love you, you crazy lug!”
Imagine my surprise when she answered with giggling!
“Some younger girl was putting the moves on you?”
More giggling followed … this was not the response I had envisioned! More giggling followed!
“Well I don’t know if she was hitting on me, that’s what Dave said, and I wanted to do the right thing! And by the way, for all we know, she might’ve been into me”
I believe my feelings were hurt!
“Where are you now?” she asked. I gave my location, and probably sulked while I sat in front of the booth. It wasn’t long before Deb arrived, and greeted me with more giggling, followed by a kiss on the cheek.
We drove to her folks’ house, and every now and then she giggled. It didn’t matter, I thought. I mean, heck, maybe Steve McQueen and I have a lot in common!
(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)