Blue Christmas

Pat Fule
Fule for Thought

 

This is not my typical column. Normally, I try to keep it light, as everyone has their own pain. No one needs to have mine added to theirs. However, this Christmas is a lot more blue for the Fules, as two of our family have been hit, and hit hard. We all have our own demons, pains, and weaknesses, and we all struggle to find happiness in our lives.
For some reason, that happiness was elusive to Deb’s cousin. His family went through many triumphs and many struggles. Many people turn to things to bring them happiness, even if it’s fleeting and can’t be maintained. He was a good man, who fell prey to alcohol. This had caused him to become homeless for awhile, and the family worried for him. Yet for 10 years, he fought off, and defeated the power of drink, with the help of a much loved woman.
The tragedy began with her own suffering and defeat by cancer. That loss was sad enough, but it also became the catalyst for Dan to begin his second decline. No one can tell people how to deal with their grief, and his family struggled as he unraveled. The man who had defeated alcohol, turned his life around, and built a solid life, had it all taken by grief and a return to drinking. Before long, he was homeless again in Calgary. His father and sister braved the downtown streets to find him, and begged him to come home … that they’d help him, but he could not do it. In fact, he agreed and was taken by his father to a centre to help him. However, as soon as his father left, Dan went out the back, never to return.
This fall, Dan died on the streets of Calgary. He died alone, and I hope he had no fear or suffering. He was a good man, who was brought down by the loss of someone very close to him. He left behind a father, two sisters, a son, and many family and friends. He will never have a Christmas again, and his grown son has to make sense of this horrible tragedy. My hope is that in his last moments, Dan knew how many people cared for him. I’m sure there are many other homeless people who have their own tales of loss, and of things that crushed their hopes.
My favorite uncle is dying. He was my late mom’s youngest brother, and my parents helped him come to Canada, get a job, a driver’s license, a car, and they even taught him English! If you’re a long time reader, then you know he’s the one that my late mom played matchmaker for! She felt that my aunt was the best girl for him, and she threw out all the letters from one girl she didn’t approve of, and made sure Poldi got Vera’s! Now, 54 years, three daughters, two sons in law, and six grandchildren later, here we are for his last months … or even weeks. He’s agitated, scared, and he wants to go home. He’s had to have restraints placed on his wrists and ankles, and yesterday they found him in another room after he’d fallen. Today, I had to remind him who I was. The young uncle, the one who was so cool to us nephews, is now trapped in a weakening body. We’ve been told there is no hope … that it’s spread too far, and too fast. There can be no victory here … our family is facing the long goodbye.
I hope that these last times I spend with my uncle give him ease from his worries and pain. I hope that our whole family has a chance to share all our love with him, and for each other. My Christmas wish for my favorite uncle is peace, no fear, and a painless passing.
I hope you and your families have a wonderful and loving Christmas. Hug someone you haven’t in a while, tell someone you love him or her, remember all our lost ones, and pray for those who are suffering in sickness. I’ll be praying for a lost soul who tried so hard to beat his demons, for his family who couldn’t save him, and for my favorite uncle. God bless you all.
(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)