The great crashes

Fule for Thought

 

My tools are a real mess (insert laughter).  Those who know me know this is funny because if I did have them totally organized, I don’t even know how to use half of them! Heck, I’m not even sure of the names for some of them! I made the mistake of telling my teacher pals about this purchase, and that was met with much laughter and heckling! 

They really wondered what the point was, in me even bothering to get my tools in one place. One teacher even admitted his own lack of “handyman” ability. He said, “the only tools I need are a crescent wrench, vice grips, a multi-screwdriver, and duct tape! I can fix anything with those four things, and they don’t take up a lot of room to store!”

So, I did finally buy a tool chest, but my father-in-law called after to let me know he’d found a slightly used one that a friend of his was selling. So, I arranged to have the new one (still in its crate) returned. I put out an “all call” e-mail to my staff for help loading it onto my truck. Before the help arrived, I thought I’d drag the box closer to the big doors, so it’d be easier to load. I thought the wrapping straps would be strong enough to achieve this. They were not. I grabbed on, and slowly pulled with most of weight (don’t say it)! Suddenly, the whole loop of strap slid right off the crate, and I was sent flying backward! I had no chance to slow or stop this, and wound up flat on my butt! I had no choice but to sit there and laugh, wondering if my neighbours had seen the whole show! There had been no way to protect myself from landing right on my butt in full view of the street and neighbours!

It got me thinking about bike riding, and how the new laws regarding helmets for kids are more safe than back in the 70s. If you were a kid in the 70s, and dared to wear a helmet on a bike, I’m pretty sure you’d have been mocked regularly. In fact, it never even occurred to us that helmets would make sense. We’d ride to the top of “Hospital Hill” in Canmore, point our Mustang bikes with the sissy bars and gearshifts down the hill, and fly! One of my friends, Joey, hit a camper on the way to school. In fact, his handlebar and arm went through the camper window. His front forks bent, and he had to limp to school, leaving the mortally wounded bike behind. Scraped and bruised, he got to school late, only to be given a DT for the being so tardy! I always wondered why seeing a scraped and damaged kid limp in the school doors, would not be evidence enough that maybe Joey had a good reason for being late! The bad part was that Joey had a stutter, which worsened when he was nervous or mad, and he was both! Swearing with a stutter at the supervising teacher is not a good strategy in defending yourself … he got extra DTs!

If we could have worn helmets without being “sissies,” Joey would have been the best candidate. He seemed to have more bike crashes around Canmore than any of us, he was a real Evil Knievel, even when he wasn’t trying! One Summer day on Main Street, Joey had one of his worst crashes. The guys were racing each other doing what most teenaged guys do, attacking each other! On the spur of the moment, they created a “Lord of the Flies” game on bikes. They’d race each other all right, but the whole time, the object of the game was to try and kick the other guy’s front tire! It worked really well against Joey … Brian had timed his “boot” perfectly, as he raced alongside Joey. Joey’s front tire was kicked just right, and the tire went completely sideways. When you’re racing bikes and your front tire suddenly does go sideways, Physics enters. While the bike came to a sudden, awkward stop, Joey’s body kept moving forward fast over the handlebars! He was a bit husky, and he didn’t fly far, but like the Wright Brothers, he had achieved flight. Joey’s landing was not smooth or painless. He lay there while the odd car passed and honked. Then his swearing started. It wasn’t pretty hearing the language he used, and sadly, with his stutter, it sometimes took us awhile to figure out which word he was using next. This would have been a time where a 70s kid could have used a helmet … no wonder they added the law!

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)