An “advice” column

Fule for Thought

 

There are a lot of lessons we have to go through in our lives. Some are sad, terrifying, cause anger, and some that are embarrassing. I never knew that trying to get married would have some lessons as well. During our initial “classes” with my priest, Debbie and I couldn’t help but notice the irony of a priest giving a young couple lessons on being married, and what it would all be like. If you recall, I tried to get out of marriage classes, and even after I had a “falling out” with my priest over certain issues, I had to endure more marriage courses with the United Church minister (by the way, never joke with your priest that you want to be married in his church because it’s bigger). 

I did try to bribe Deb with a $50 bill so we could leave, but that did not fly! At least the United minister was married with kids; he could at least give us some good, sage advice. However, I don’t remember anyone telling me the following:

 

1. You will not sleep full nights for many years. There will be diapers to change, night time feedings, ear infections, flus, and basically all forms of disgusting bodily functions that would have once made you want to “blow chunks” yourself!

 

2. You will basically spend the rest of your life thinking and worrying about your kids … even when they’re adults. You will celebrate when they triumph, you will grieve when they’re hurt, and you will be the “nurse” whenever and wherever needed. There is no finish line in parenting. Even when she was in her 90s, Deb’s grandma worried about her eldest son’s hip replacement when he was 75! Don’t count on the magic 18 age, because our parenting instincts don’t seem to shut off when our kids hit adulthood. When they break down on a highway, or parking lot in the dark, we come running. The irony is that all I am able to offer in breakdowns is AMA and my jovial company!

 

3. There may be a period of time where your kids may not like, or want to be near you. You may be needed for a ride to school, but you may also be asked to drop them off where no one can see you. However, take heart you Jr. High or Sr. High parents, they come back to you, and the return is worth the turbulent teen years. You can even laugh about the fights, the late arrivals at school, even dating!

 

4. When you’re going out, your wife may say she’s “all ready” to go … but she’s not. I’ve made the mistakes of pacing, jingling my keys, and going out to the van to rev the old engine. Heck, I’ve even raised and lowered the garage door to try and hurry up my “date.” It’s not worth the battle to follow, or the cold, icy stare from the passenger seat! Instead, sit down and relax, you’ll go when she’s ready! If you’re not going to church or a fancy function, have a cold, frosty beverage, or even a short, power nap. Either way, you’ll feel better, and there won’t be a World War III in your house!

 

5. At some point, you son will surpass you in many different ways! Learn to accept it, and even milk it for all its worth. If he’s become taller and stronger, you can easily transition into not always being the one to carry heavy furniture, or shovel heavy snow. He’s the “man of the house” now! (at least for whatever unpleasant and painful job that only the younger, stronger version of you can handle!). You’ll make his self-esteem and pride grow, and all you have to sacrifice is heavy lifting, shoveling, and maybe even building things!

 

6. You will, as a husband to your wife, and a father of a young woman … have to buy “feminine products!” At first, I was mortified, and would try to hide them in the cart full of groceries, you know, camouflage them! Don’t bother, embrace this … after all, it’s not like they’re for you! I have learned that this is all part of being the “grocery shopper.” I know brands, styles, designs, and wings … you name it!

 

I did have one recent dilemma, as I had to pick up a prescription for my 23 year old daughter. The pharmacist showed me the pills and asked if I had any questions or concerns. I wanted to say: “my question is why I have to be the guy to pick up these, and my concern is that these don’t work, and I become a grandfather!” 

So, you crazy kids headed toward matrimony, or parenthood, get ready for the ride of your life … it’s one of joy, heartache, anger, and forgiveness, but it’s also the most amazing journey ever. Try not to wish any years away, so that the kids would get older, and be more independent … because then you’re wishing your own life story away. Enjoy the ride, even if the road gets windy or really bumpy … it is after all your trip! 

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)