Marriage un-advice (for the ladies!)

Fule for Thought

 

Recently, my daughter and her friend raced (and beat) me to my “Man Cave!”  

I’ve already mentioned this on Facebook, and my “pals” gave me a lot of ideas on what to do next time it happens. I know, I know, you’re thinking about the race between me and the younger gals … and you’re right, it wasn’t pretty! I was cleanly beaten. I did try to reason, and I thought I was gaining ground until Breanne said: “you can stay Dad, watch Magic Mike with us!”  

The thought of watching a whole movie about male strippers with my daughter was way too creepy. They even started painting their nails in there … right in front of my bar and my 6-foot Elvis cut-out! Was nothing sacred anymore?! I’ve raised a devious person, I thought. This also got me thinking of offering more bad advice for relationships, only this time for the wives/girlfriends. So, hopefully if you pay attention ladies, these steps may be of help. Remember, like the too small labels on any deadly pills we have, read carefully!

1.) Tell your guy everything about your day. That’s right, we guys like nothing more than to be filled in on every little detail about what happened, who did what, who said what, and we really want to know about your feelings! This makes us feel like we’re with you for almost the whole day, and that daily epic story will bring us closer together!

2.) After the story of your day, don’t let us try and help. That’s right, if you’re going through so much strife, and you’ve told us this, we know that you’re not looking for any solution, or an easy fix for a problem … you just want to be held. We already know that the really long detail-filled story doesn’t need an easy solution, we just wanted you to know we were listening to the whole story!

3.) Tell us constantly what to wear. We know we have no possible way of dressing ourselves, and we really need that constant feedback to keep us on the “right track.” I think our favourite comment at a time like this is: “you’re not going to wear that, are you?” Not only have you helped us with our wardrobe, you’ve taught us an important lesson on sarcasm, and we love to learn!

4.) While getting ready to go out, take as much time as you need. We’ve heard the Brad Paisley song, and we LOVE waitin’ on our woman, especially if there’s a set time to be somewhere. We’d much rather have you try on many outfits so that our trip to a darkened pub has just the right amount of style! 

5.) Take just as much time to say your goodbyes when we’re ready to go home. We know how important it is to nurture friendships, so if you need to stop and say “hello” or “goodbye” to each table in the pub, well, that’s just fine. This helps us widen our circle of friendships, and that’s way more important than the overtime period of a big hockey game. 

6.) Send us on errands and check up on us. There’s nothing guys like more than to pop out of that soft, comfortable couch we were on, so that we could pick up some invaluable grocery items. It’s good that you get us out into the real world, so that we can learn how to interact with the other husbands who’ve been sent out, too! What’s really important to us, is that you keep the communication lines open. When we’ve been gone for just a few minutes, phone us on our cells so that we can illegally talk while driving. We understand how important that call was, and we’re happy to just “chat” again on the phone.

7.) Remind us constantly of things we need to do. That’s right, this may sound wrong, but men don’t know when the grass is the right height to be cut, or what day the garbage gets taken out. We need those little but constant reminders so that our minds don’t stray to other things, like that overtime hockey game! While we’re on the topic of advice and errands that involve driving, tell us where’s the best place to park! It’s so hard for us men to know just which parking spot at the mall is that one special one you’ve been picturing.  By telling us this, at that right moment just before we shut off the engine, we can move our vehicle to the correct, and perfect spot! 

So, I hope today’s column really helps you and your guy connect. These steps could lead you on to a whole new relationship. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to watch “Band of Brothers” on NetFlix, to try and cancel out the estrogen in my Man Cave!

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)