Breaking the code

Pat Fule
Fule for Thought

 

Teenagers often seem to have their own language, just like other generations did.
Sometimes like the WWII Navajo code talkers, someone has to learn to translate that code, yes, this is a public service for adults who happen to have teens in their lives … for better or worse!
Think of it as an easy guide to translate today’s angst ridden youth, whose lives are just “so hard,” no one “gets” them, and they need to pet a puppy when stress hits! Without further ado, some teen lingo, and their translations. This may even protect you, and make you one of the “coolest” adults they know!
1. “Netflix and Chill” I put this one first in case you don’t always read my whole column! This one’s the most important one to a teen’s parents! If you as an adult, hear that Katie is having Bobby over to do this, they’re not planning on watching much Netflix, and the temperature between them will not chill anything! This code basically means they’re going to get very physical at your house! Beware!
2. “Hook up with” I have learned never to tell my kids that I’m hooking up with Bob, or Steve, because that also means the two of us are going to get very physical! Think like the 70s “make out!”
3. The next one’s not a term teens use, but a warning to adult males. Kids today think that men who only wear mustaches look like porn actors, or perverts! I’m not sure where this came from, or how, but if you’re thinking of facial hair, and care what teens think, do not just have a mustache. They will be joking in front of, and behind your back!
4. MOS and POS This can mean that your kid is online and wants to warn his pal that mom or the parents are over their shoulder, and they can’t say much online! Of course, we also know that POS can mean something else, and that’s not nice, either!
5. “Ho” I hate this one because I teach Shakespeare, and his characters often used “ho” as a call to another, like “ho Romeo, how art thou?” To the kids, “ho” means one of those friendly women who are even more friendly to you when you pay them!
6. “Crunk” If you hear your angelic daughter Tabitha say she and her friend were crunk, that means a mix between crazy and drunk! Actually, kids have a way of combining words, and I’m not sure it’s cuz it’s easier, and they don’t want to bother saying two words, instead of pne! This brings us to #7 on our “hit parade!”
7. “Hangry” This one’s lazy, but pretty easy. This comes from a teen being so hungry, that he’s also irritable and angry. If you’ve raised a teen guy, and have been rocked by grocery bills, it’s because he’s always hangry!
8. “Chirped” If someone ever back talks you, or really zinged you with a putdown, you’ve been “chirped”!
9. “Hashtag” You’ll usually hear a kid say this to another in front of something that’s important of funny to him. Let’s say you and your “adorable” teen are having a fight about her being late for school. She might stop everything, look at you, and say “Hastag nagger”! It’s a way for her to emphasize what she thinks you really are! You could reply with: “Hastag out of my will!”
10. “Bae” Again Today’s kids can’t even be bothered with saying the full thing regarding who they like! This stands for “Before Anyone Else” or “Babe.” They like to keep things short and simple, kind of like them!
11. “Wheel” Every generation was once young, and interested in the opposite sex, even though we didn’t always know what to do, if we got a girl! This one means to “woo,” “court,” pursue, or like the 70s boys: “hustle” someone! Ah, the 70s …!
12. “Cray Cray” is a way for teens to say someone is really acting nuts! Let’s say two girls got in a fight over a boy (it still happens). One girl might tell her other pals: “Jenny was so cray cray last night!” Think of it this way: you might have a mother-in-law and you really want to capture her personality!
13. “Emo” This means that someone is really a dark, brooding, overly serious person … to kids it means there’s a lot of drama. Let’s say little “Brad” has gone from T shirts and jeans, to Black trenchcoats, black shirts, pants, and black nails and eyeliner …. that would be “Emo.” That would also be lock your bedroom door time!
14. “Chill” This one, I’m sure you know, means to relax, stay calm … and it can be used with the perfect blend of teen sass and disgust. “Chill, dad … I’ll cut the lawn when I can.” (They may also alter this one to “chillax”, which again runs two words together, because they, you know, can’t be bothered with two words, when one is easier!)
15. CD9 This is a good one for you to know, because it means: “Code 9, Parents are Around”! If you see that on their screen, you know something is definitely up!
So there you have it, 15 of their words that you have now learned. As the Sarge used to say in Hill Street Blues: “hey, let’s be careful out there.” If your kid is actin’ all “cray cray,” “emo” and “chirps” you, stand your ground with your perv mustache and say: “Hashtag – GROUNDED”!
(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)