To curl or not to curl: Act II

Pat Fule
Fule for Thought

 

A big shout out to Paul, who with other volunteers, did a great job organizing and running the recent Mixed Bonspiel in Strathmore.
Paul’s a former student of mine, and in fact, was in my first Grade 8 class I taught. He actually said he’s one of my readers, and that he saves the columns for his morning ‘visit’ to the bathroom! I guess it’s great that he and I can share those moments together that way … it’s way less creepy and gross than real life!
I thought I’d do a little research on the sport of Curling (I know, I know … many of you are thinking: “Pat read? Pat have PE Degree, no?” Well, I minored in English, I’ll have you know!).
The article said that the first reference to curling was in February of 1541 in Scotland. They used to use large, flat river stones before they moved onto more conventional round ones with handles. Gee, can’t you just picture the excitement? It’s a frigid August day in 16th century Scotland, and the sport Angus invents, involves shoving a heavy, frickin’ rock down the frozen river, while his pals Fergus and Wallace sweep their butts off, so that it can stop closest to the middle of a circle … a CIRCLE!
The sport was imported to Canada by Scottish immigrants, and has become very popular. Remember though, that the Scots also brought over Haggis, which has sheep heart, liver, and lungs shoved in the same animal’s stomach, and boiled with savory spices for three hours! Mmmm, mmmm, good!
When I married Debbie and the wedding vows were spoken, nothing said anything about watching curling for 30 years! It’s been that long since we’ve been married, and I’ve spent a lot of hours doing just that. In the last several years though, my watching has gotten worse. I mean I try to watch the games, but I start to drift away very fast. One minute I’m watching as closely as I can, the next I’m piloting a B17 Bomber, driving my newly re-purchased Mustang, or running through a meadow of flowers … an no one is yelling ‘hurry’ or ‘hurry hard!’
I’ve become like Walter Mitty in the books and movies, where I’m taken away from the slow world of this sport, to someplace (anyplace) that’s got some life to it! Sorry curlers, I really do try and pay attention, but my eyes glaze over, and before I know it, I’m Elvis in one of his beach/race car movies, there are girls in bikinis everywhere, and Debbie’s the prettiest one in the film (good save, eh?)!
She and her dad curled in this weekend’s ‘classic,’ and they’ve been doing this since she was a teen. In fact, there’s an old picture we have of a very young Debbie sitting on a curling rock. I guess her dad used to send her down the ice on the rock, and she’d laugh. I’m not sure if Child Services was ever called for this … not because she might have gotten hurt, but because they exposed this poor kid to the sport of curling (just kidding curlers … don’t be haters)!
In these games, I live in dread when Deb comes off the ice, because I know she’s going to ask whether I saw certain shots. I try to fake it of course, but she’s always on to me. It’s not fair, I have trouble remembering student names from last semester, how am I supposed to remember what happened on the fourth shot of the fifth end?
It’s a very sportsmanlike game where you congratulate the other team on their shots, and you even have a lot of honesty when you may have touched a rock, or hit it with your broom. I think if you really wanted to add excitement to the sport, you’d be allowed to take out the person as he’s delivering the rock. Now that would be exciting … or, you could be checking the other sweepers as they try to bring the rock down the ice. Heck, add a goalie, who’s trying to stop that 44 pound hunk of granite (feel free to use any of my suggestions, curlers)!
I did read that curling ranked No. 2 on the ’10 Most Boring Sports to Watch,’ behind golf, and in front of NASCAR races (you know, where the ‘expert’ drivers turn left the whole race)!
However, I can’t be too against curling … I mean, the Beatles did curl in their movie ‘Help,’ and I am a huge Beatles fan! However, the last thing I read in my curling research was that ‘the only known cure for curling is an American citizenship!’
I do like Hawaii, though … I’ll bet there aren’t too many rinks there!

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)