Storage Wars

Fule for Thought

 

My wife Debbie is having an affair. It’s an honest love affair, and I’m having trouble competing. I thought I could win her back, but there’s no denying it … she’s in love. She’s in love with Tupperware! Actually, to be fair to other companies that make storage bins and containers, she pretty much loves them all! Yep, every latest storage bin or container, makes its way into our house … and never leaves. We have bins for things of all sizes, seasonal items, even bins for other bins. It’s like those Russian dolls that hold about a million other Russian dolls, each one smaller than the one before!

I mean I can’t really blame her, she’s trying to bring order to my world, which is usually not a very orderly one! It’s kind of like the reverse of the Reality show “Hoarders.” That’s the show where people can’t ever part with any of their belongings, so eventually the house becomes one huge mess of things that are filthy and unhealthy. In our case, we have bins and containers stacked holding things neatly all over the place. That’s the irony … we have a ton of bins throughout the house and garage, and some bins are needed to store other bins! 

There are some great ones, I have to admit. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but we have the coolest salad spinner on the planet. Not only can you spin the water off the salad, but it has click-on places for the stir spoons and even holders for salt and pepper shakers (it’s like a “survival kit” for vegetarians!).

Speaking of survival and life, I think there’s a whole other market for companies like Tupperware, that hasn’t yet been tapped. I mean, think of it. These are lightweight containers that seal out air and lock in freshness. They easily stack and click together to hold many things. Maybe it’s time these companies looked at the funeral business! Just think, you could have the ashes of your Great Uncle Al in your pantry, neatly sealed and stacked on top of the one that holds the old family cat, or your cranky mother-in-law! You can easily label them, and you could visit them way easier than a trip to an old mausoleum! Okay, maybe that last idea isn’t such a good one, especially if old Great Uncle Al wound up in the salad spinner … it could be a bit messy!

My son Brennen and daughter Breanne are a bit worried about Mom, as she does love to store things, and she can’t seem to resist the latest and greatest container or gadget! Just before Christmas, the kids even suggested an “intervention.” 

We’d all written out our “I love you … I support you” statements, and we hoped this might slow the steady stream of bins and containers! Debbie must’ve figured it out (she is pretty crafty … she takes after her dad, Kenny). You can never fool either of them, they’re really smart at being able to guess their birthday and Christmas gifts! The reason I know Deb caught on to the intervention, is that it actually became one of those “home sale” gatherings for ladies. Yep, we were ready to save Debbie from Tupperware and herself, but instead, we had a Sunday full of displays of scented candles, jewelry, chocolates, plug in scents, teas, and of course … the dreaded Tupperware! How can you save someone when the intervention becomes a massive sales event? I think I even bought Tupperware that afternoon … the intervention was a fail!

Debbie’s even taken every spice from their original bottle, put them in new Tupperware containers, and labeled them! I still don’t get it … even cereal is poured into these bins! To me, it’s so much easier to leave things in their original containers and then chuck (I mean recycle!) them later! 

Deb doesn’t curse often, but the other morning I did hear bad words when she opened the kitchen cupboard door and a bunch of Tupperware bins tumbled out! Ironic, eh … the storage items were themselves not able to be stored properly! I laughed quietly, hoping she wouldn’t hear because I didn’t want to wind up with Uncle Al!

Easter has come and gone, and Breanne has been taking a Theology course in University. She talked about Lent, and that if she was Catholic, she’d choose to give up slurpees. Her boyfriend Kody said he’d have to give up “Ice Caps” and of course mine was pizza. Without missing a beat, Breanne said Mom would have to give up Tupperware (I think Deb was glad she wasn’t Catholic)! 

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)