School of the blues

Fule for Thought

 

Last week’s school-related column got a bit serious, so I thought I’d try to lighten the mood today. I’m sure everybody has funny things that happen at work; the problem with a teacher’s job, is that you are often on display WHEN these things hit you! Teenagers love it when you screw up, they wait for it … they even seem to THRIVE on it!

Recently, a colleague of mine arrived at my door during a Grade 11 English class. He threw open the door, holding a tied up Co-Op bag, saying, “Here, catch!”  

He fired the bag and its contents at me, followed by the words, “I’m returning your wife’s pants!”  

The class erupted into laughter, and I’m sure I blushed a deep red! The pants had been hemmed by another lady and this “pal” was making sure I got them! I tried to explain this to my students, but they carried on laughing, shaking their heads in disbelief!

I guess I had it coming … I do sometimes do my own teasing.  

“Tom,” the caretaker, at our school has been on the receiving end of some of it. He’s now in his mid 50’s, and we’ve worked together for about 20 years. Early each morning, he drives a Ride-On “Zamboni-like” floor cleaner to scrub our gym floors. Since he circles the gym turning left all the time, I told him that he looks like he’s in the SENIORS’ version of NASCAR! That did not go over as well as I thought it would! 

Another day, he left this floor cleaner running in the hallway outside the gym. Now, in my defense, I didn’t know his supervisor was in that morning. What would ANY fun loving teacher do on a “preparation” period, but steal it?! I mean, come on, the key was in it, and it looked like a lot of fun! So, after I figured the key part out and started it … I sort of “stole” it! It actually goes pretty fast for a vehicle INSIDE a big school. I even felt like I was HELPING “Tom” because I WAS cleaning the floors as I drove off! I drove it down our wide hallway, and ditched it behind a corner. I knew he wouldn’t be away long, so I hopped off, put it in park and left it running. Then I waited way down at the other end and watched as he tried to explain to his boss WHERE the  machine was! It was pretty funny, until the alarm on it went off, with a repeating and VERY loud beeping! Who knew that if it was left stationary AND running with the key in, an alarm would sound?!  

“Tom” and his boss ran to follow the wet trail of my “getaway,” and the loud alarm! Sheepishly, I came back and “fessed up” … it WAS a fun joy-ride, though! Now, whenever “Tom” drives past me in the halls, he stares me down (with an evil) look I’d say! He won’t even pick me up when I stick out my thumb to try and “hitch” a ride to my next class! Boy, some guys are sensitive!

Another time his supervisor visited, a recently repaired vacuum had just arrived. I guess it was all pretty exciting, because they were both talking, and making a lot of hand gestures. They didn’t even hear my comment as I went past.  

“Tom” asked me what I said, and I replied, “that’s the first time in years I’ve seen you with a vacuum that’s actually RUNNING … I didn’t even know you knew how to turn it on!”  

Again, with the glare … sheesh … I was just kidding! Why so serious??!! (Batman movie reference there!)

 “Tom” was also with another of my “teacher pals” for a bit of a slapstick event. Back when the high school was in the current Crowther Memorial building, we had just taken delivery of some new 32” color TVs, as well as new VCRs (remember them?)  

“Bob” was pushing an A/V cart with the TV and VCR. Now the TV was on the top shelf, the VCR connected to the TV by its cables (that’s cuz some of us aren’t so good with technology!). 

He was walking with “Tom” our caretaker, and he pushed the cart while they had a lovely morning conversation. The conversation lasted until one of the cart’s front wheels suddenly turned sideways. Instead of carrying on to class, “Bob” watched as the TV and VCR (attached by its “umbilical” cord), were launched forward and into thin air! Now, I don’t know how loud of a noise a new 32” TV and VCR make when they hit a hallway floor, but it must have been spectacular!! The TV and VCR had been killed, broken screen glass, plastic, and bits of metal, lay around the crash site. My other teacher pals and I felt horrible for “Bob”! That is, until the idea came to us, to put a fake School Division letter mentioning that his pay cheque would be deducted the amount of TV/VCR replacement! I LOVE my job!

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)