Strange things

Fule for Thought

 

Recently, Deb and I were leaving the Canadian Tire parking lot, and another driver almost hit us as she backed out of her spot. Debbie, as the driver, was honking the horn to alert the other driver.  Since the truck was backing into my door, I found myself yelling “hey…hey…..hey!” inside the vehicle while I smacked our side window with my hand!  

As I was doing this, I realized how dumb it was, and began to laugh! Did I think the other driver would hear my shouts? Did I really think that hitting my window would do any good at all? It hit me that there are a few things that I don’t “get” in life.

I was watching the Davis Cup (tennis) recently, and Spain was playing Canada. The two Spaniards must’ve been talking strategy, because one was covering his mouth with his hand and racquet as he talked. I wondered why he would do this, I mean hey … you’re Spanish … why not talk in your language!? I’m pretty sure our Canadian guys can’t speak the language! It just seemed weird!

How in heck did people come to be able to be paid for being “redneck,” or ill mannered? Here most of us are, working so we can help our kids get an education and so we can retire. Along come families/friends like the morons from Jersey Shore, Honey Boo Boo, and the Kardashians!! They only have to do dumb, or outlandish things and they become celebrities, making thousands per episode! I don’t get it. I mean the Kardashian girls got famous because their dad was a very successful lawyer in L.A. and was on the legal team that got OJ acquitted! They haven’t accomplished anything on their own!

I also don’t understand things in cartoons and movies. The old Bugs Bunny cartoons are now censored because they’re a little too violent! Oh yeah, censor those, but put Criminal Minds or CSI in reruns during the day when kids may be home! Zombie shows (Walking Dead, World War Z, and Zombieland) are hugely popular. What I don’t get, is that these zombies continue to decay and rot over time. Why not hide and wait ‘til they are so rotten they can’t even walk?! I’ve also seen a lot of shows on Romans (Spartacus). Why do ALL the characters have British accents … when did that become the way they talked? I also don’t get why, of all the Disney cartoon characters, that Pluto can’t talk, and all the others can! That’s just weird!

“Cougar” is a relatively new term. How is it that our society is starting to accept that kind of behaviour? Is it because older men have often been attracted to younger women? And then it hit me, that at 53, for me to meet a “cougar”, I’d have to swing by Wheatland Lodge! We might go for a nice soft meal, and finish it off with a Metamucil cocktail! It really makes a guy think!

Facebook is a huge phenomenon and it’s a great way to keep track of people you know. Imagine my shock this past Christmas when I looked at some of my daughter’s “Yuletide photos,” and saw the little camel from our Nativity Scene, being used as a playing piece in a New Year’s DRINKING Game! Now that’s not right! Isn’t it a bit ironic to use a Nativity piece for a game where most players will get DRUNK?!

I also don’t get Equestrian riding events. I mean, I understand  the concept of a horse and ride working to clear all the barriers, but at the end, it’s the RIDER who gets the medal! Isn’t it the HORSE that does all the work … what does it get … more oats, hay, or an apple? Speaking of animals, maybe you have the same problem I have, with cats. I’m allergic to them, and I don’t trust or like them! To me, it seems like they’re always “up to something.”  

Since I don’t like them and I’m allergic, why is it that if I visit someone who owns a cat … it comes to me!? I don’t want it, I show no sign of interest or affection toward it. Yet, it often will come up and rub against me! THAT’S why I don’t trust them …

My brother has lived in Vancouver since 1996. When he does come out for a rare visit, he comes with some sort of satchel over his shoulder. Now I don’t want to judge, and I know he’s happily married, but to me, that’s a purse! He actually gets a little “huffy” when I call it a purse … he says it’s a “Man Bag.”  

I put him to the test once. I asked him if he had three things in his bag. They were: nail clippers, lip balm, and a brush. He had all three, so I said to him, “Gary, it’s a purse! If it helps you sleep at night to call it a man bag, that’s fine, but it’s STILL a purse!”  

He then threatened to hit me with his purse … uh … man bag!

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)