End of the world

Times Contributor  

 

Dec. 21, 2012 marks the beginning of winter, but it also marks the End of the Mayan Long Calendar. Some say it will also be the end of the world.

I was trying to envision what the end of the world would look like for Strathmore, Alberta. I couldn’t envision sudden snowmelt rushing through the irrigation canals and sweeping us all away. A huge ice age like blizzard would probably go unnoticed until Spring, by those who stay housebound watching reruns and playing video games. Perhaps, if all the fracking seismic crews set off their charges at once, we might experience an earthquake of sorts, or it is possible a huge plane could drop out of the sky on the flight path to Calgary airport. It is this kind of stuff that  people preparing survival shelters contemplate. 

On the other hand, NASA says we won’t meet our end by cosmic calamities! See www.Nasa.gov  and ‘Beyond 2012: Why the world won’t end’. Mayan expert Leonzo Barreno, living in Saskatchewan, is also in agreement that we will all wake up on Friday. After all, the Mayans didn’t do a real good job of foreseeing the demise of their own megatropolis.

I came across this joke on www.yoast.com and it seems to explain as good as anything, why God won’t destroy the world this Thursday. Hope some of you enjoy it.

In the year 2012, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the Canada, and said, “Once again the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark!

“Noah! He roared, I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”

 “Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.”

Noah went on, “Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark‘s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.”

 “Getting the wood was another problem,” he sobbed. “There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood!” he said.

“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration is checking the status of most of the people who want to work. The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, they seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”

Noah pleaded, “So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark!”

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”

 “No,” said the Lord.

 “The government beat me to it.”