School dazed … and confused!

Pat Fule
Fule for Thought

 

Now that I’ve hit my Mid 50s, I’ve learned a few things. One is that if I drop something, it better be important. This means, there are often sharp flashes of pain if I have to bend over quickly, and a pen isn’t worth it!
In fact, if I do drop something … anything, and it’s near a student, I’m probably going to pause … look at the kid, and see if he/she will get it for me! Over the years of teaching and coaching, I’ve also been hit many times. From errant golf balls just “below the belt,” to basketballs in the face, to a volleyball that dumped a colleague’s coffee on me, to a frozen broom ball that made my lips instantly swell, I have often felt like a target!
My answer to this, was to push for a balcony in our SHS Gym. From up there, in classes like indoor soccer and the rare games of Dodgeball (I hate that game for kids), I safely referee! I can see the game clearly, and I don’t have to spend the time dodging, ducking, dipping, diving, or dodging (thanks “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story”)!
Of course, as with any job, injuries can come when you least expect them! One staff meeting a few years ago, we had a presentation on ways to help students with “attention” problems. The idea was to provide some activity in the classroom, to help them better focus. Students could do their desk work on exercise balls, so they could be active on the balls, enabling them to better work. To demonstrate this in the staff meeting, about eight large, bouncy balls were brought in for staff to try. The staff members enthusiastically bounced, while taking part in the meeting’s discussions. That’s when a glorious thing happened … at least glorious to some of us! One of the teacher’s exercise balls burst with an incredibly loud bang! The teacher collapsed to floor in the shards of the shiny, blue ball! It was all too much for me, I collapsed in laughter … I could not stop, I was hysterical! I may have snorted out loud, and I’m not sure, but my bladder may have also leaked a bit! It was the last time we had exercise balls in a staff meeting, but it was unforgettable!
Just last week, two things happened that also brought laughter to my school days. The first was a pretty sharp comment from a kid near the end of class. Someone (sounds like a real troublemaker!) was asking how old I was , because I’d just answered another question as to how long I’ve taught (kids always want to find out stuff about their teachers).
When I had answered that I was (sadly) 56 and had taught since 1983, there were a couple of oohs and ahhs to demonstrate that I was a dinosaur. In fact, one kid perked up with “well, that makes you fossil Fule!”
Ah, today’s teens … we can’t expel them … we can’t taze them, either!
I did get some revenge on one student on Thursday, though! I’ve only tried this once before in my years of teaching, and Thursday it worked perfectly. I was teaching essay writing to my Grade 11s. Now, essay classes are not the most exciting of lessons to present. That being said, I went through the hand-out on the active board, told a few stories to tie in to our “fake” topic of hope in our novel, and heck, I even danced a jig, and sang a bit! Still, one of my guys dozed off, but upright in a sitting position! I looked at him, called his name softly, heck I even joked that we could tell he was dreaming, as he twitched (he must’ve been dreaming about running through fields with the other puppies)!
That’s when I did it. I made the “shush” motion with a finger over my lips, climbed on a student desk, and set the wall clock ahead two hours! Then, I motioned for row after row to silently leave the room! And … they did! We all got out in the hall, and huddled. I even dimmed the light on the way out! The guy slept on, he must’ve had a tough night … I almost felt badly for him … almost! I let a couple of minutes go by, then jiggled the door handle, and knocked. Through the door window cover, I saw him sit up, look at the clock in a panic, grab his stuff, and he sprinted to the door! That’s where he met us! We all laughed, and I told him the good news was he didn’t miss his bus, but the bad news was, he still had a half hour of English left! I’m down to a few years left now, but Thursday was a day I won’t forget! Sometimes, it’s the little things in Life!

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)