Christmas traditions, old and new
Pat Fule
Fule for Thought
I’m writing this column after limping over to the computer. I’m limping for two reasons: the first being the sore feet I’ve had since April, due to nerve inflammation. That has resulted in me not being able to walk much, and an increase in girth and blubber!
The second reason to limp is tied directly to this first one. I know you won’t believe this, but I’m in such sad shape, that wrapping Christmas presents on our floor carpet, has left me with inner thighs, stiff and on fire! Yes, I’ve actually pulled muscles wrapping gifts, and by the end of that Yuletide experience, I was also sweating like Elvis at his last concert! How do you sweat wrapping presents … is this how far I’ve fallen? Yes, yes it is!
Speaking of falling, Breanne’s sister-in-law to-be, has had some trips and gaffes over the MacIntyre Christmases. In fact, the tradition has become that when something happens, the family members yell out “Jenna has ruined Christmas again!”
So, what could I do, but send her that same text? Ah, traditions … they make a guy feel great!
Another tradition I’ve kept going for my father-in-law has had a lot to do with “seeing the sights.”
Of course, the sights he’s interested in, are the “Sunshine Girls!”
Each year, I take on the alias of “Binky the Elf” (and no, I don’t dress up in tights … that only happened the one time!).
For about the last 20 years, Kenny gets a wrapped calendar of young women in bikinis, and I really believe this tradition has brought us closer together, although I’ve never really asked what my mother-in-law thinks about this!
The other day, we figured out that it might be about a 25 year old tradition!
“You know, Ken,” I said. “Those first Sunshine Girls you got, may have become grandmothers by now!”
I actually think he blanched with disappointment! Time flies, eh Kenny?!
Ugly sweaters have also become a strange tradition, and Breanne’s fiancé Kody wore a very funny one. It has Christmas lights on it, with a cute cartoon version of a bare butt Santa, leaning into a roaring fire! The caption reads: “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire!”
I did not know that Santa’s first name was Ches – I thought it was Kris! Then I realized that Kody was also wearing his new Lululemon pants. First of all, I didn’t know they made men’s pants, but especially not something called ABC pants. I guess this stands for “Anti Ball Crusher” pants! I think you guys will understand the genius of pants like this … today’s inventions are truly amazing!
My son and daughter have their own twists on Christmas traditions. Breanne will begin playing Christmas songs right after Remembrance Day, but she doesn’t always get the lyrics right, or understand the song. Only last year, she told me that she thought “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” was about a cheating wife!
This year, she just realized that the characters in another song Conspire by the fire! She thought it was perspire, and for 25 years, I guess she’s been picturing a sweaty guy and girl, who are too hot, by a fire! Hopefully, somethings aren’t also roasting!
My son’s tradition is a simple one. He waits until the last possible second to wrap his gifts. Then, he races around trying to find the gift bags and wrappers that have just been used, run to another room, so he can wrap everything! Now, this is an economical and “green” approach to wrapping! Re-use and re-cycle is the new tradition!
I know my columns are usually pretty light, and maybe a bit odd at times, but my family re-started a new tradition. This Christmas Day, we lit a candle for the loved ones we’ve lost, and I know many of you are struggling with your own family members who’ve passed away.
I hope you were able to find some peaceful moments this Christmas, when the pain was not so great. I have no words for your loss, except to say how sorry I am, and that I know they will live on in your own life and memories.
From my family to yours: I hope your Christmas was happy, and that 2017 will be a much better year!
(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)