These are a few of my UN-favourite things (sorry, Julie Andrews)!
Pat Fule
Fule for Thought
I know we’re in the Yuletide Season, and we’re all supposed to be holly and jolly, but there have been things in 2016 that have slowly driven me nuts. The worst was in a restaurant in Oliver, B.C. this past summer.
I’ve taught for almost 34 years, and while I love kids and teens (not in the creepy way!) … I’m not a big fan of them, in restaurants. You see, here’s how I feel. If I’ve decided to spend a fair bit of money on a dinner out with my wife, I don’t want to do that with a family of screaming kids next to me.
In Oliver, one family let their little kid scream and cry for our entire meal! No one disciplined the kid, no one took him out for a change of scenery, or to spare the other paying customers, or just get him to shut up! I thought what if someone here is out for an anniversary or birthday? The screaming and crying has just wrecked the other peoples’ dining experience. Why shouldn’t a paying customer be offended if he or she can’t have an expensive meal in peace? It drove me crazy! So, I thought in keeping with the Grinch side of me, I’d share some of my UN-favourite things (with apologies to Julie Andrews), although I’ve never even seen “The Sound of Music!”
These are a few of my UN-favourite things:
1. People who wear camouflage everywhere. If you’re not out hunting in bush that matches your camouflage, what’s the point? We can all see you, you’re not hunting right now, so just … stop.
2. Songs with spelling in them. If you’re too lazy to write a song, that you have to spell letters to stretch out the song … don’t write it! Spelling the word Trouble and having lyrics that are sung out loud of the word T-R-O-U-B-L-E is dumb and annoying at the same time! Stop.
3. When you step in water wearing fresh socks. It just ruins the feel of having dry feet! Your foot is now wet, it’s cold, and it feels gross!
4. People who drive with their brights on, or have bright LED headlights and then leave them on bright! Look, we see you coming … you’re safe … you don’t have to blind us!
5. People who put eyelashes on their VW Beetles. I know you’re thinking you’re hip and fun, but it’s really just dumb. You’re taking a relatively ugly car and giving it a nice dose of dumb! Stop.
6. People who hog the arm rest on an airplane. You know the guy … he has to have his whole arm on the whole arm rest, so that you have to have your arm jammed right into your side for three hours! Then, if he does shift a little, it’s a race to see if you can reclaim some of that arm rest territory!
7. “Back to School” commercials on TV by July 6! I know there’s little sympathy out there for teachers who have the whole summer off, but really, when you’re bombarded with happy “Goin’ Back” commercials and July has just started … that’s too much!
8. People who overuse perfume or cologne. Okay, a little advice to guys here. Do you really think dousing yourself in “Axe” is going to get you the gorgeous model in the tiny bikini? No, what it’s going to get you is someone hurling on your new runners in an elevator. Just stop.
9. Christmas commercials the day after Halloween. If it’s not yet Remembrance Day, it’s not the Christmas season. You can turn your Christmas lights on in August for all I care, but don’t try to force an early shopping season on us!
10. Not being able to watch TV without holding the remote. Sorry, this one’s a personal one. I’m okay at someone else’s house, but at mine … I need to hold the remote! The TV even works better when I hold the clicker!
11. Waiting in a long line behind a bargain shopper with coupons. Look, I know we all want to save money, but if you’ve caused a huge line because you have a wad of coupons, but not all of them apply to what you’re getting, step aside! I was stuck in a massive line behind a guy who had the wrong coupons for his items. Did he step aside? No, he then proceeded to leave his two piles on the counter while he shopped for the correct sale items, tying up the register! I actually wanted to chip in for his socks so he’d stop shopping, get his “bargain,” and the rest of us could go home!
Hopefully, none of you are too offended … maybe you have a few of your own UN-favourite things, like eating liver, or sushi, or … maybe even this column!
(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)