Facing grief in the holidays

Sharon McLeay
Times Contributor

 

A poignant memorial service was held at Hope Covenant church on Dec. 4, for those who have experienced the loss of loved ones.
It was sponsored by the Van Bussel family, who have owned and operated Wheatland Funeral Home in Strathmore for many years.
“None of us are immune to death or the pain of death,” said Francis Van Bussel.
He said the holidays often become a painful experience for those who have lost a family member. He said there is comfort in gathering with friends, family and community members. This first Christmas memorial was a step towards hope and a way to add comfort for those facing the holidays without a loved one.
“I want to tell you it doesn’t end there. There are lots of stories left to be told,” said Van Bussel.
Pastor Glen Peterson suggested that people remember how Christ’s love for humanity and his encouragement to love one another can lead to hope through faith. He said he is looking forward to God’s promise of a time when we would reunite with loved ones in a place of no tears and pain. He said his Christian faith had been a comfort in his own life.
The service centered on ways to face grief in the holidays.
Treating oneself with kindness was highlighted by creating realistic expectations for oneself and others. One suggestion was to infuse the season with comfort for the senses. Share good food; perhaps a loved one’s favorite dish. Spray or wear a scent they particularly liked. Wrap up in a cherished clothing item or blanket. Listen to music that was special for the family.
Traditions may need to change, due to the change in the family dynamics, so coming up with a new tradition may be an opportunity for a new beginning. Adapting old traditions with a place for the loved ones memory may be the alternative. Suggestions were to light a candle for the one lost, include stories about them at family gatherings, set a place at the table for them, post an online tribute, or direct a prayer for them at the holiday meal and worship centre. Focusing on others and giving time or gifts to a cause, in the name of the loved one, is one way to help their legacy live on.
If the holiday season is just too much, in a time of grief, allow for a quieter schedule, or take breaks. It is totally acceptable. Even forgoing festivities is OK. However, if those grieving withdraw it is a good precaution to keep in touch with family and friends by phone or e-mail, or have friends and family check in, so the option for companionship and help is available if needed.
A powerful part of the memorial ceremony was when people placed their loved one’s name on the Christmas tree in the sanctuary. In turn, they took an ornament provided that they could display a picture or favorite saying of remembrance, for use and display in their home. As each person came up to the tree, they announced to the gathering their loved one’s name and their relationship to them.
Name after name rang in the rafters like a roll call to hope. It signified continued connection and witness that the person had once touched family lives with love. There is strength and power in saying a name out loud. Often it takes a bit of courage, as it reinforces loved ones are no longer here.
Five candles were lit to signify grief, courage, memories, love and hope. Songs of encouragement and faith and poems of support were given. The evening ended with a shared beverage and the knowledge that others were going through similar struggles. It is good to know, in Strathmore there is a supportive community and means available to help families through their grief.