Chapel of Love
Pat Fule
Fule for Thought
Before I begin the actual column, I need a little help. I do not know how to get safely and gracefully into a bathtub. I mean, I can get in, have the water running, but somewhere between entering, and the water flowing, I try to sit and basically fall in to the water! There is no grace, no smoothness … only a fall, and a mighty splash! Now, if anyone can help with this, please e-mail me! I have even gone on YouTube to see if there are videos on this, but there were only dog bathing ones, and even one on making Jello in a tub! Now, that one was weird … and no, I didn’t watch it all!
So … this is a pretty monumental week. Maybe not all of you know this, but our illustrious publisher, “man about town,” entrepreneur, and journalist Mario, is getting married! Now ‘fess up … how many of you had doubts? You know, like was he going to be a priest? Did he have a real girlfriend, or was she just one of those “imaginary” online ones? Did he really want to give up his “Hugh Hefner-like” lifestyle, with his pipe, his smoking jacket, and his scotch? (actually, I don’t think Mario even drinks!)
So, with all the wealth of married experience I have … (30+ years of hard labour), I thought I’d give him some advice, and survival rules!
• Rule #1: Always listen to your wife. When she wants to open up to you about her day, and whatever the heck else takes a half hour to explain … pay attention. At least, focus on key words! That way, when you’re angrily quizzed as to what she’s just said, you can fake it, and save yourself.
• Rule #2: Don’t sweat the “buy stuff!” If she eventually has it on her mind to buy something, at least fake interest, and just go along and approve of the buy. I mean, when it comes down to it, it’s really only money … she’s going to get it anyway, so just agree! That way, you’ll look like you had a say in it, and there’ll be no fight! It’s a Win-Win!
• Rule # 3: Forget that crap about “don’t go to bed angry in a fight. If you’re still fighting at 2:30 a.m., and it’s not settled, go to sleep … does anyone really think that going for another 45 minutes will really help anything? You’ll at least be rested for Round 2, and you’ll both have cooled off by then! It also doesn’t mean you have to sleep in the same room after a fight, either. I mean, let’s face it … why push your luck with that other pillow she could hold over your face when you hit that deep REM sleep!
• Rule # 4: Don’t forget to keep dating. You worked hard early on to actually fool and convince this gal to marry you, didn’t you? Try to keep this going, and it’s not like you have to rent an island somewhere, or rent “50 Shades of Gray” … just go out on some dates with her like before! I saw a great quote about this the other day” “Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see your food coming in a restaurant.” Ahhh … pizza … steak … Debbie!
• Rule # 5: Never be afraid to say “I’m sorry.” I mean, heck, it’s only two words … you don’t even have to really mean it, but it sure does defuse a situation! How can your wife go ballistic on you in an argument, if one of the first things you say, is “I’m sorry, you were right, it won’t happen again?” And, feel free to interchange those expressions in any order! You could lead off with “it won’t happen again” followed by the others! Anyway, preemptive apologizing is kind of like when you were a kid, and maybe you were picked on. When the bullies hunt you down on the playground … give yourself the weggie … it won’t be as painful, or last as long! An apology can be just like that!
So, congratulations to Mario and Andrea! I hope you have a great wedding day, and that you have many happy years together! And Mario … one last bit of “Pinterest Advice”( I can’t believe I just said that).
“If at first you don’t succeed, do it the way your wife told you!”
(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)