Beds, Boars and Beyond

Pat Fule
Fule for Thought

 

I recently ran into a couple of my former high school students. They’re actually two brothers who were eating breakfast together. My first reaction was to point out the obvious.
“Aw, this is so cute, the two brothers sitting together for breakie! Did you guys come down from your bunk beds together, too? Do you have lots of room for activities in your room with bunk beds?” I asked.
They were good sports about it, and we reminisced for a while. I reminded Chris about one of his verbal responses once in Grade 10 English. About seven years ago, we were doing a kind of “team building” memory game where the kids were put in groups and had to answer questions about themselves. Then, they’d switch papers for a time period, and I’d ask them questions to see how well they got to know their classmates. I have never forgotten Chris’s answer to one question! The question was: if you could travel any place, where would be your favorite spot? Without missing a beat, Chris had answered, “Courtney’s bedroom!”
Now, Courtney was one of his classmates, but try as I might, I could not stop laughing! It was a brilliantly timed, funny answer, and Courtney joined us in the chuckles! I did tell Chris at the time, that I’d be telling Courtney’s father to be on the lookout for any high school stalkers in their back yard!
Speaking of bunk beds, I have another friend Ken, who’s very excited about going on a wild boar hunt in May. He even said the eight of them would be sleeping in two cabins with bunk beds! Bunk beds … it’s almost like a slumber party mixed with killing animals! The brochure even suggests bring the whole family for “quality family time together!”
I wonder how the boars feel about this quality time? In fact, they even have a meeting planned for two weeks from now to go over all their plans. It reminded me of the sleepover scene from “Grease” where Sandy, Rizzo, Marty, and Frenchie are trying out nail polish and makeup. I can almost picture these hunters, their planning, and the slumber party pig massacre.
“Hey Floyd, help me pick out the best camo shade for my face! What shades of green and brown would be slimming?!”
Yup, if you’re going to be big game hunters, telling me you’re in bunk beds together, sends me off in way different directions! Hopefully, these guys won’t be hunting one of Strathmore’s “therapy piggies!”
I’ve also always wondered how hunter-guys “go to the bathroom” when they’re up high in a tree stand. You’d think that climbing down for a pee could be a dangerous proposition. I mean, what if Floyd gets confused! A bathroom break could turn deadly!
Ken and his wife are also avid campers. They do have a trailer with all the luxuries, but they’ve also roughed it. The Fules are not good campers. We’ve tried it in the past, and we’ve failed. My idea of roughing it is a 3-star motel vs. a 4-star. You know, if the TV screen in the bedroom is less than 32”, I’m facing the wilderness! You run in to interesting people when you camp, or motel. I never actually met this one guy, but I sure did have fun with the encounter! You see, I’m always amazed at just how much we as a society, use cell phones nowadays. What I will never understand, is someone talking on a cell while in a bathroom stall, on the throne!
That’s where my stranger encounter happened, on a “camping trip” in a large hotel. To me, if you’re on the phone in a stall, that’s hilarious, and I just can’t help pointing this out. I’m assuming the guy was in business, because he was speaking on the cell using financial terms. So … I began to (one by one) flush all the urinals. I hit the fan buttons, ran the faucets, and even turned on the paper towel dispensers! I thought it would be fun for the person on the other end of the line to wonder where the heck the caller was!
“What, no … no, I’m not in a bathroom, that would be dumb! I’m just in the hallway, it’s a busy place!” he said.
That’s when I went into the stall right next to him, and flushed the toilet! I flushed it a couple more times, and the guy actually admitted to his caller, that yes, he was in the bathroom now … no, it wasn’t weird to be on the phone … yes, he’d call back at another time! Well, my work here is done, I thought, and I left the men’s room! Huh, maybe that was Floyd and he was planning the costs for the pig hunt?
(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)