Fifty Shades of Paddington Bear

Pat Fule
Fule for Thought

 

If you’re a child of the 60s and 70s, you remember that at one time there was a conspiracy idea that Paul McCartney of the Beatles had died, and that it had all been kept quiet.
It became a mystery, and people believed that there were clues to this in song lyrics and album artwork. It all stemmed from a 1967 car accident that McCartney was in, and it became a huge urban legend! People said that if you played “Revolution 9” backwards, you could hear Lennon say “turn me on, dead man.”
Even the cover of “Abbey Road” with the Beatles walking in single file had clues! Yes, John Lennon led them in white as the clergyman, Ringo followed in black as the mourner, and George in jeans and an old shirt was the gravedigger! Here’s the kicker though, Paul was walking barefoot, out of step with the others, and he was therefore the corpse! Wow, people were simple in the 60s … or was it all the drugs?!
This old urban legend brings us fast forward to 2015. If you’ve been a regular reader, then you know it doesn’t take much to amuse me, and that I have a kind of twisted sense of humour. So, you’d understand if you drove by me on Main Street to see me laughing. We were on our way for Chinese food when the Joyland marquee caught my eye. On one side of it was “Fifty Shades of Grey” … the other, “Paddington Bear”! I started to think: “poor Paddington, what if it was Mr. Grey he stumbled upon first?” You know, “Mr. Grey will see you now, Paddington.” Cute, little bear looking for a nice family … gets introduced to Mr. Grey, who’s a handsome, yet tormented billionaire. Paddington thinks he’s found his “forever home,” and suddenly his little paws have handcuffs around them, and then he hears the words “I’m used to getting my own way.” Poor little furry, trusting bear!
I don’t know why, but the contrast between the two hit me hard, but then I could also picture some strange link between the two. Maybe there was a new urban legend happening right now! Somehow, I saw strange similarities between that bear and Mr. Grey’s movie. They were on the same Joyland marquee, and they seem to have things in common … the bear has a battered suitcase with a secret compartment, and he’s able to pull ALL sorts of things from it! Paddington even wears a trench coat … a trench coat! He, like Christian Grey have something to hide! Coincidence, I think not!
This bear’s movie is a children’s one, but got a PG rating because of mild sexual innuendo and mild language. Did you read that? Sexual innuendo … another eerie similarity! It’s as if Mr. Grey and Mr. Paddington may indeed have a lot in common! So, I had to do it! No, I didn’t go to see “Fifty Shades of Grey,” but I did ask some of my staff pals! Usually, we try to organize a “guys’ movie night,” at the Joyland some Sundays. I mean, we’ve seen rugged stuff like “American Sniper,” “The Equalizer,” and “Fury,” together. So I asked them if they wanted to hit tonight’s movie. They all thought it was great, and then I told them the title! You should have seen their faces turn to disgust with me! Nope, the men were not going to sit next to each other watching this movie! Besides, what would parents and neighbours think of a group of guys watching “Fifty Shades of Grey” and taking notes! No, there was no way we’d huddle together watching this movie! The news would have spread to our students before we even left the theatre!
I think the wisest thing is to see “Paddington” instead of “Fifty Shades” … it’s a lot safer for me, that way. I’ve heard it doesn’t portray men in a very kind light, and that’s the last thing I need right about now! However, I did hear there was a certain group of lady curlers who were going to see it! You ladies know who you are! You don’t think they might try to reverse things on their husbands, do you? Those poor guys … napping on the couches won’t know what hit them! The horror … the horror … the horror … (Marlon Brando, “Apocalypse Now” … you’re welcome!).

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)