Dear days of the week

Pat Fule
Fule for Thought

 

Dear Monday … to say I hate you would be an understatement. In the words of the younger generation … you suck! Oh yeah, you act like this fresh new day, where anything can happen, and blah, blah, blah. The reality is that you are what we face, after we’ve had two days of fun and freedom! It’s like you’re a punishment, a penance … just because we had a little too much fun on our days off! In fact, you jerk, the NY Times stated there are 20 per cent more heart attacks on Mondays than any other day of the week! It’s bad enough you’re who you are, but do you have to actually kill us more, too?! If you were a girl, this would be a break up letter! It’s actually too bad that you can’t be dumped … that we’re stuck with you! In fact, I’ve written a poem for you: “Roses are red, violets are blue … garbage is dumped, and so are you!” From now on Monday, you’re dead to me!
Dear Tuesday, I’m sorry. I want to like you more than I do. The one good thing about you, is that at least you’re not Monday! However, you’re too much like Monday! You’re like the rebound girl or guy that’s way too much like the ex! You hint at being closer to the work week’s end, but not enough to really be of use to us! In fact, you remind me of dancing with a cousin at a wedding. Oh sure, it may be okay, but we all know nothing’s going to come of it! I read that some cultures actually consider Tuesday as a “bad luck” day. In fact, On a Tuesday in 1204 (history lesson coming!), Constantinople was conquered by the Christian Crusaders. Now I don’t even really know where Constantinople is, but you can bet it was bad luck for the people living there! So, don’t get cocky Tuesday, you’re still a pretty useless day, and Friday’s really far away!
Dear Wednesday, I must admit you’re a breath of fresh air compared to Tuesday! In fact, our more modern culture has nicknamed you “hump day!” Now, for those of you who are twisted, the other reason for the name is not the real one … clean it up, this is a G- Rated column! You’re “hump day,” because you’re finally close to the middle of the week. If we get through you, it’s downhill to Friday! However, let’s face it, you’re still no Friday … you’re a bit of a tease, hinting at what Friday could be! In fact, there’s an old saying about being born on Wednesday, and I gotta tell ya … it fits! Remember this one? … “Wednesday’s child is full of woe.” Hey, that kind of makes sense for me, anyway, because Debbie was born on a Wednesday, and I’ve been on the receiving end of some of that woe!
Dear Thursday, I like you, I like you a lot … in fact I may actually have a crush on you! You’re a taste of what’s to come. You’re like Christmas Eve, where we look forward to the next day so much, it’s hard to sleep! I mean many bars even have Thursday “specials!” If we’ve made it to Thursday, we can make it one more day, and get to the mother lode of treasure … Friday! Even if we get carried away on Thursday, we know all we have to do, is survive just one workday, we can do that! Even some universities and colleges hold fewer classes on Fridays, so Thursdays have become known as Thirstdays, as students can drink more, and then face a lighter Friday, where they can sleep in and recover!
Dear Friday, you are the best! Or, as the kids would say, “you’re the bomb!” You’re the day we count on for fun, dress down days at work, we get paid on you, and we meet pals for a beverage … or two … or three! Many people have weekends off, so you’re the day we celebrate, and often let loose a bit. You can see it here in Strathmore, it’s in the air, you can smell it! Or is that the deep fried wings? I don’t have to tell you I love you, and everyone else does, too!
Dear Saturday, how do I love you? Let me count the ways! I love you for the freedom, the excitement of being the start of two whole days off … no teenagers to try and motivate to read something, or God forbid … work! We can sleep in, do something amazing, see things, or even just finally do nothing! If you were a woman, I’d marry you! Sorry Deb, but Saturdays are pretty great!
Dear Sunday, you’re a fickle b*#*#! I mean, you’re our rest day, but you also come with baggage, and you know what that is. No matter how fun you start off, no matter what amazing thing is planned, there’s always your pal Monday lurking on the horizon. You’re the train tunnel of fun, with a light at the end that’s moving really fast at us! And that light is a train light, and we’re going to be smeared on the cow catcher! There’s even a new condition referred to as “Sunday Night Blues”! 78 per cent of people in a recent Monster.com poll reported they fall into a slight depression because the weekend’s fun is replaced by the stress of the new workweek! Yeah, that’s right, Monday … I’m talking about you!
P.S. – I would like to thank my co-writers this week, my children Brennen and Breanne Fule.

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)