Things I Do Not Understand
Pat Fule
Fule for Thought
Things I Do Not Understand:
1. Any kind of fruit in a salad.
2. People who don’t use cruise control on a highway, so we wind up passing each other (repeatedly!)
3. Low alcohol beer … what’s the point?
4. The metric system.
5. The real “Big Bang Theory”.
6. Why we got excited by the TV video game called “Pong”.
7. Why our hedge hog poops in his food dish.
8. Folk music.
9. The use of perfume.
10. Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber.
11. Jellied salads and clam chowder.
12. Men who blow their noses in a cloth handkerchief, then put it in their pocket.
13. Why a CFL team gets a point for missing a field goal.
14. Income Taxes.
15. Beets, radishes, and cucumbers.
16. Why we ever watched “The Dukes of Hazard”.
17. The need to spit.
18. Chewing tobacco.
19. The littering of highways with vehicle trash.
20. Cats.
21. The fact that teenagers are so attached to cell phones.
22. Grumpy cat and dog shaming.
23. How cooking can be relaxing.
24. Pandora bracelets.
25. Why people on Facebook post whatever they’re about to do or what they’ve just done.
26. The Bachelor and Bachelorette.
27. Why young guys don’t curve their hat brims and they leave on the size sticker.
28. Why some young guys still wear pants down their butts … they can’t even walk right.
29. How yard work can be relaxing.
30. Why we don’t charge car dealerships for advertising their names on our vehicles.
31. Why “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing.
32. Why there’s a letter “s” in the word “lisp”.
33. Why we buy automobiles that will only decrease in value.
34. The PT Cruiser.
35. Really long fingernails.
36. Why it’s fun to camp.
37. “Catch and Release” fishing.
38. Hitting the snooze button on the alarm.
39. People who put in big Drive Thru orders.
40. Extreme couponing … that’s so much work.
41. Cleaning up for the house cleaners.
42. Cleaning the house before you leave for holidays.
43. Calculus (I’m not even sure what it is).
44. Ties and dress shirts untucked.
45. Why MTV and Much Music hardly play music anymore.
46. Duck lips in photos and selfies.
47. The fashion of facial hair.
48. A stranger who talks to me at a urinal.
49. That yoga pants aren’t used for yoga or ANY activity.
50. Wearing pajama pants out in public.
(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)