The Joyland Blues

Fule for Thought

 

So anyway, I had e-mailed my staff last week to see if anyone wanted to see the latest X-Men movie at our local theatre. I had a few positive responses, but it was pretty quiet. But, “Dear Diary” …   no one but me showed, and I sat like a loser in the theatre. 

I must admit, if you’re going to be the “oddball” out at a movie, the Joyland is a great place. There have been some renovations done, and the previous long time owners put in a brand new digital sound/video system! That way, while I was wallowing in my abandondness (is that even a word), I could enjoy the movie.

The theatre has had some interesting changes, the concession area is a bit different, there’s new paint throughout, and they even brought in a sound system expert to rearrange the speakers. Last week, I was impressed by the sounds of explosions, screams, and general carnage coming from everywhere in the theatre! And, for $10 a ticket for a brand new release, it’s a great bargain. I had a chance to speak to one of the new owners, and we can look forward to some changes to this 90-year-old theatre! They have a very cool new marquee sign to be installed before the end of summer, and they plan on breaking off the white stucco, to expose the original brick work! So, if you want to see a brand new movie, and save a lot of your dough, hit the Joyland.

Okay enough, about the theatre … we were talking about how I was abandoned by my staff at the movie. I actually don’t mind watching movies by myself, and I’ve heard from some of you, who do the same thing. The problem last week was that it was in Strathmore. In Calgary, I could have been an “anonymous” loser. You know, one of those poor, mysterious guys, who everyone wonders about, but will never see again. My daughter went to “Magic Mike” in Calgary, and she said there was one lone man in the theatre watching a movie about ripped male strippers. I imagine I stuck out here, as much as that guy!

I have been asked to re-tell the movie theatre story about my brother. Years ago, we were in Banff watching the latest blockbuster “Waterloo.” 

The theatre was packed and Gary made the mistake of leaving his seat for a bathroom break. The poor guy came back, having lost his bearings in the dark. He whispered out to us … his voice sounding slightly panicked. Of course, we never helped him at all. No, we stayed upright in our seats looking straight ahead, to blend in with the masses. Gary went up one outside aisle, then back to the other, and back. People shushed him as he plaintively called our names. I have to admit, I shushed him, too! I had to join in, or the joke may have failed! Anyway, after a while, we let him off the hook. I believe he called me some unkind names. After that, anytime he said he was going for popcorn, I’d ask, “really, are you sure you want to do that?”

He’d sit back down grudgingly, and again use unpleasant language on his younger brother.

It’s bad enough that I had to sit by myself, but there dead ahead of me, were my nemesis … Jr. high kids! Oh no, not just Jr. high kids, but two Jr. high couples! Between the bouncing on seats, talking, and texting, they decided it was the spot to make out! It was horrible. Oh yeah, it was fine in darkened, loud scenes, but when the screen erupted into a bright explosion, or day scene, I saw other special effects! Thank God, the chubby blond guy got hungry a lot, because the popcorn saved the whole crowd from a horrible sight! I actually wanted to yell out how dumb they were. I mean, if you’re going to make out, why sit in the very front row, with the entire audience behind you? I mean, unless they’re planning on careers in the adult film industry, why put yourself on display like that?! I gave them my best “smirk” as they walked by after the movie, but it went over their heads.

So after the movie, I decided I’d stop pouting. I mean Wolverine wouldn’t sulk, he’d go get a beer. I almost went across the street to the King Eddy, but looking at my watch, I realized it was 10:20 p.m. on a school night. Yep, I decided I’d better get home … I bet Wolverine would be disgusted with me … guess I’ll never be an X-Man!

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)