The comeback kid (or geriatric!)

Fule for Thought

 

I haven’t played SloPitch in many years. Well, I do play in my Band PE class, but I always pitch, and I never bat. I pitch so that if any one gets hit by a line drive, it’s better that it’s me! Actually, I tease the Band kids that we never play “catch” in this class … it’s always just “throw” (we don’t always catch so well)! 

Even the “throw” part is touch and go. This past June, it took four different kids to actually throw the ball back to me at the pitcher’s mound! The ball went over, way to the side, even right through my feet, but never to my glove!

So after many years of pitching to gym classes, I finally got the call up to “The Show” … the big leagues (my kids’ SloPitch team in a Calgary League). 

I was a combination of excited and worried … what if I really bombed in my debut? What if I couldn’t hit, or worse, struck out? I’m also not at my “fighting prime” weight! I knew this when my son told me I’d be playing first base. First, I was flattered; that’s a pretty important position! You’re involved in a lot of plays. Then he gave me his reason: “if you play first Dad, you won’t have to run for balls in the field, and then have to run again when you bat! Ouch, that hurt … but I guess he was trying to prevent my stroke or something!

Now, you might think this next part is strange, but I spent Friday night watching YouTube videos on “How to Play first base,” and “How to Bat in Softball!” 

I decided if I was going to play, I needed some private coaching. I’d been walking lately, ran a basketball camp this week, and even took a hot bath on Saturday to prepare! I followed this by using “baseball stretching” videos as well! I was going to be ready for my debut!

My first at bat was pretty uneventful. I hit a weak grounder to the infield, and couldn’t beat out the throw to first. Deb said I slowed down, but I think you have to be actually running fast, to then slow down! I now know that my sprinter days are winding down, especially after I saw the cell phone video of myself batting! Here’s helpful hint: if you’ve put on some weight … don’t wear a bright white t-shirt on a sunny day! I know they say the camera adds 10 pounds, but this looked worse!

I batted well Saturday, and went 8 for 9!  However, on one of my “blistering” runs to first base, I felt it. It was electric … like a shock! It was an instant shot of pain in my right hip, and I couldn’t even push off that foot! Luckily, I had time to hobble to first and get a pinch runner. So, for the rest of the games, I got to have my son run for me at every “at bat!” 

I felt like a specialist … limp up and bat, then watch a young guy in shape, sprint the bases. It was like having a butler … “Jeeves, run and sweat for me, would you? Oh, and I’d like you to get me a triple, this time!” 

It was pretty cool … I felt like a boss!

The game took me back to my old days on the Canmore Pistols’ Fastball team. You might remember them from an earlier column as “the worst team in the history of fastball!” 

We finished our first season with an incredible 0-24 record, and as the centre fielder, I never ran so much in my life! There were regular, towering hits to the field, or screaming line drives that I’d have to chase down. It was horrible! In one game, one of our batters (who had never played baseball before) was hit by a fastball on the hand. It tore back the skin on his knuckles, and there was blood everywhere. After he stopped crying, the umpire sent him to first. Somehow, he got to second, and the next batter hit to right field. This guy rifled the ball to try and get that guy out on third base. He got him out alright, the ball hit this poor guy right in the back of the head! He lay there with a bloody hand, holding his head with the other hand, and the umpire called him “out!”

So, I’ve now been told I get to play the rest of summer! My baseball dreams are coming true! I get to play ball with my kids! That is, if I can just get this ice pack off my hip and suit up again! I hope Brennen stretches a lot before we play … I’d like to get another triple, and I sure don’t want to have to pull another muscle! 

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)