Supporting children and teens after a suicide

Times Contributor   

 

In the days and weeks after Robin Williams died, there was a spike in calls to Calgary’s Distress Centre and Edmonton’s suicide support network, says Dr. Michael Trew, Alberta’s Chief Addiction and Mental Health Officer.

“Something very well publicized like (the suicide) of a well-known figure can really touch many, many people,” he says. “When it comes closer to home we know that it does affect people who are close.” 

Death by suicide may be especially “contagious” in youth.

When a child or teen hears of a suicide or attempt, Dr. Trew suggests we ask, “how are you doing with this?” and acknowledge that hearing about suicide may stir up strong feelings, “maybe even some feelings that might lead somebody to think about harming themselves.”

After we listen, we may be able to address issues, but we can also help our youth understand it’s normal to have problems, and, he says, that “we get through those things by support from our family and friends.”

At other times, we need to ask our children more serious questions about self-harm or suicide. 

“We look for signs of increased emotions around sadness, sometimes around anger,” Dr. Trew says, “that don’t seem to fit what you’ve seen in this particular person before.”

We also want to watch for significant changes in their school and social lives. 

“They used to go out and see their friends regularly and now seem to be just sitting at home, kind of withdrawn,” he says. “Or … their marks are dropping.”

Depression and substance abuse (usually alcohol), are the two biggest concerns associated with death by suicide. Youth may be particularly vulnerable to a combination of both, Dr. Trew says, because “the time when people have their first episode of depression is also the time when youth are experimenting with drugs and alcohol.”

When we see concerns, parents can start a conversation with, “you seem to be upset these days. What’s going on? How are you doing?” 

And then, “there are times when we just have to sit and listen to our kids as they tell you what it’s like to be them right now,” says Dr. Trew. “In fact, that’s a real gift to a young person to be asked seriously, ‘How is it for you?’ And then to listen.”

Even if they don’t immediately accept the offer of a “non-judgmental ear,” he says, “But it’s good that they hear that offer and sometimes can come back to it.”

If a caring conversation isn’t enough, parents may seek further support from extended family, school, the family doctor, church or family counseling. “But,” Dr. Trew emphasizes, “the first step is to ask and to listen. ‘Is there something that’s getting to you? Is there something that’s troubling you and you can’t figure it out and you need to talk about?’ ”

Some people believe, he says, that talking about suicide will give someone the idea to act on it. But, he says, “Asking a concerned question about ‘are you having any thoughts of hurting yourself?’ does not suggest that to anyone.” 

In fact, “if somebody’s already thinking about (suicide),” he says, “(a conversation) may actually open the opportunity to talk about it.”

“The biggest protective factor for self-harm,” Dr. Trew says, is “being connected to somebody who cares.” Many people struggle with depression but don’t have suicidal concerns, “because they have close connections with people who are important to them.”

At suicideprevention.ca, the Canadian Association Suicide Prevention offers support for preventing suicide, intervening with those at risk, and grieving.

If you’re having thoughts of suicide, or are concerned about someone you love, please call the Calgary Distress Line at 403-266-1605 or Alberta Health Services’ Mental Health Line at 1-877-303-2642. They’ll be glad to support you in any way they can.