Slo-pitch and field of dreams

Fule for Thought

 

I’ve been thinking that lately there’s been too much of me around here. I’m sure some of you have already been thinking that, yes, we do need to see less of Pat Fule. Maybe, there are a few of you who are saying, “no Pat, no … we need to see more of you!” 

However, it is true, there’s still about 30 pounds too much of me, and I really do have to deal with this. Walking has been good, but I pretty much took the month of August off, and low and behold, there’s more of me than before!

I thought slo-Pitch might be a fun way to help me get more active, but I discovered that when you play first base, there’s not a lot of running in the game! You stand there, field the odd grounder, run to first to catch an out, catch the odd fly ball – but not much real exercise. It’s all kind of relaxed. Last week, we played the toughest team of the Summer Calgary League. They pounded home runs off us at the start of the game, and I really had nothing to do, but watch those balls go over the fence! 

When we got a chance to hit, I managed somehow to beat out a throw to first. I felt exhausted, my achilles tendon was on fire, and I blurted out, “I think I pulled one of my chins!” For a few seconds I felt like Elvis at his last concert: bloated, sweaty, gasping for air, and waiting for that final bright light!

This team beat us, but not until we gave them a real comeback near the end. They were a fun team to play, but man, they swore a lot! I must be an old “fogey” now, because I was shocked by the girls on the team, who swore like lumberjacks, dropping the “f-bomb” regularly. 

I finally loudly asked our pitcher Richard if these kids were aware that he was a Bishop in the Mormon Church. Okay, it was a little white lie … actually if you know Richard, it’s kind of a gigantic white lie! Too bad that it never even got a reaction out of them! Kids nowadays, no respect for the church!

This same game was also the scene of a very embarrassing incident for our scorekeeper and me. Brittany is an old family friend, she graduated with Breanne, and is married to John, one of our players. John has actually not played much ball before, and has really improved! He’s also a very fast runner. Brennen says it’s because he’s a “Runaway Amish!” 

It’s true, he actually did run away from an Amish community in Ontario, and maybe that is where he got his speed. He does seem easily able to jump fences, and slip through small fence openings for foul balls! Anyway, Brittany brought her newborn baby to the game, and all I heard was how cute Ella’s Lady Bug sleeper was, so I thought as we came off the field, I’d take a look. Ella was on her mom under a shawl, and as I went to take a peek, I realized Brittany was breastfeeding! I have never whipped my head back as fast as this time … I’m sure I got whiplash! I swear I never saw anything, but of course Richard had to be right there!

He’s a big guy, and he had pulled down the front of his ball shirt! “Here, big boy, I figured since you were trying to catch a peak, I’d give you another show!”  

Great … he saw. I didn’t know what to say, I stammered that I didn’t see anything, but the damage was done … I had seen Richard’s bare chest! Luckily, he’s a pretty hairy guy, it was like seeing a wool sweater attached to his chest. It was actually fur-like! We all had a laugh, but mine was definitely the most awkward one.

So here we are, a collection of young and old players, and we made it to the championship game. Richard and I are the oldest, and we always joke that the games have to be done by 3 p.m., because we have to get back to the “lodge” for oatmeal, and we don’t want to miss it! We have to play that big, home run hitting squad again, and I think Richard and I need to mentally and physically be ready. We’ve got a day pass from the lodge, we’re learning some cool handshakes, but the problem is, that we may be missing five of our players! I’m thinking if we could just make a diamond in a cornfield, it could help our chances more! I mean, maybe that movie quote will happen, you know, “if you build it, he will come.” 

Of course, instead of having “Shoeless Joe,” I have “Shirtless Richard!”

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)