S-U-V, easy as 1-2-3!

Fule for Thought

 

We’ve been shopping for SUVs lately, and by test driving, I mean many test drives. In fact, over three days, we test drove 12 different SUVs! Debbie and I are absolutely different in these situations. She will have a notebook and make meticulous notes on each vehicle. She’s like Rommel would have been when he planned major tank campaigns in WWII Africa! She’s got maps, notes, and strategies all planned! I on the other hand, fly more by the seat of my pants.

It’s funny how salesmen can be, they have to ride in the back with you, and some really like to talk and promote their brands. We felt badly for one Calgary guy, as he said to “floor it” on Deerfoot Trail. I did, but there was no real “flooring” happening … just a mediocre acceleration. 

“Wow”, I said to Debbie, as our eyes met on this slow take off. “You can just feel the power!” 

We even pushed ourselves back in the seats to make it look like it had power. Poor guy, he actually fell for it. 

“Yep, she sure does move,” he replied.

I asked this salesman and some of the others if they ever get scared on test drives. I mean, you sit in the back seat with total strangers driving you around … you have no control. One guy said a potential buyer raced him down Macleod Trail and they almost got to Okotoks before he decided to turn back! The guy had even crossed three lanes to turn off and head back, while the salesman rediscovered the power of prayer! He actually told the driver to pull over in the shoulder, and get out!

When you do finally get closer to dealing, is when the pain sets in. The van you bought 10 years ago with all the “bells and whistles” is not worth anywhere near what you thought. It’s like, why do we even buy something that’s going to lose that much value over time? Would we buy houses that drop in value every year? Would we invest in a company that loses money every year? We do this with vehicles … it’s very confusing!

The bargaining is always interesting … you hear all kinds of strategies. Don’t tell them anything about monthlies, get their lowest price first, don’t mention a trade-in until the end. There’s so much to remember, it’s like playing poker when you know the guy’s a card shark. We bargained, we negotiated, even little things like floor mats became items to talk over, as far as getting the right price. We made the salesman go back and forth between us and his manager, as we tried new ideas out on him. I even thought of punching Debbie in the arm to get her to cry, thinking that might help on the price! I did tell her a sad story about a rescue dog video I saw, but they didn’t make her cry either!

Finally, the deal was struck, and we were on to the next hurdle … the dreaded visit to the finance department! Here, we would talk about undercoating, seat protection, rock chip protection, and life/disability insurance. Every item kept the price slowly creeping up, and I began to hope her office had a wet bar! I could really use a tall Rye/Coke! No luck, I had to finish the negotiating sober, I was at the lady’s mercy! You also find out in this “chamber of horrors”, that you’re worth more dead than alive! If “something” terrible were to happen to me, why, the SUV would be totally paid off! I snuck a look at Debbie to see if she had a reaction to that one. I hoped her gears weren’t grinding about getting me white water raft or sky diving lessons!

Finally, we were told that our SUV is built in Georgia, and would be shipped in about a week. I guess knowing it was built in the good old USA was supposed to help. Yep, Georgia, where the workers can now pack handguns, they make and run their own moonshine, and some even marry the prettiest cousin at their family reunion! I felt “better” already!

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)