Fear factor

Fule for Thought

 

Fear is an emotion we all experience from time to time, and we all handle it differently. There’s supposed to be some “Fight or Flight” theory that dictates what response people choose in a terrifying situation. That’s true unless you’re the Fules’ hedgehog. He still snorts, puffs up his quills, and poops when he’s scared! Just when I think he’s getting used to me, he panics. Actually, my biggest mistake was starting to like him, because now I’m the guy who drives to places to get his favorite mealworms. They can’t be just “regular” mealworms … oh no, they have to be giant mealworms! Actually, they’re not that big, but to him, I guess they’re like a wriggling t-bone steak. He stretches as far as possible to reach my hand, and he’s even lost his balance and tipped over, grabbing one!

I’m actually typing this in complete darkness in our downstairs family room. I’m at the computer in complete darkness for a few reasons. Reason No. 1 is that I just finished about 20 minutes of playing “Walking Dead: Survival Instinct” on PS3. I’m too afraid to go anywhere past my computer, so I’m hoping that being busy, will help me calm down. If you’ve never watched the TV show, it’s about survivors of a virus where dead people come back to life as zombies. They also want to devour live people! You can only totally kill them if they’re hit/shot in the head. Needless to say, in the game I’ve had the crap scared out of me regularly! My trusty dog Brodie has been beside me for the whole game, as I’ve been trying to survive, and kill zombies! He hasn’t been much help though, as he’s snored through all my terror!

The second reason for the darkness is that I’ve just finished feeding the hedgehog some live mealworms. I’m hoping that now that he’s chowed down, I don’t have to dig in the bag for more of his snacks. It really is a bit gross, so I’m basically hiding from him. Sonic has gone from a complete hermit to a little spiked rodent, who comes out of his “house” whenever he hears our voices. I guess to him, it’s like when we hear an ice cream truck! He appears to have lost me from across the room, and I … sorry, my 25 year old son decided to sneak up behind me as he made a horrible zombie snarl! I just about jumped out of the chair! In fact, my bladder may have just emptied a bit! Anyway, the hedgehog has given up on his mealworms, and I have safely stowed them in an old margarine container with a lid … what could possibly go wrong?

Actually, that brings me to my third reason for lying low in a darkened basement. A couple of days ago, just before company arrived, I thought I’d be a considerate husband and tidy our laundry room. I even put away two mealworm bags up in the cupboard. Now in my defense, I did not know that one of the bags had a tear in it! In 28 years of “blissful” marriage, I did not know Debbie could hit such high notes! She did not yell, cry, or scream out my name … it was more of a siren-like wail … it scared me! I raced as fast as I could (no jokes here) to try and save the “damsel in distress.” 

She had leaped back from the laundry cupboard as wriggling mealworms dropped down onto the counter, and some into the sink!

“Worms, there are worms everywhere, where are they coming from?” she shrieked. 

“There must be a tear in the bag … here, I’ve scooped up all of them,” I said trying to downplay things. 

Deb pointed back at the cupboard, and gasped: “there are more … get them!” 

I proceeded to pull out all the cleaning supplies, and magically she was right, there were more of them! How did so many worms get out so fast? 

I calmly said, “huh, it’s a good thing it was you and not Breanne who opened the door … she’s terrified of worms!” 

Deb did not really look like she cared about Bree at this time. She did look like she wanted to harm me, though! And that’s where my idea for the old margarine container and lid came from. You see, any disaster can have a silver lining … live and learn, I say. Actually, I think it’s safer to whisper that old saying from down here for a few days!

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)