Famous last words

Fule for Thought

 

Well, another school year has begun. In fact, this is my 32nd school year start up. Do you know what that means? 

It means it’s the 32nd time I’ve seen the terrified, tiny Grade 10s come into our gym, so that we can try and motivate them to work hard, join clubs or teams, and make them believe that their high school years will be “the best times of their lives!” 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love teaching high school, and I do want to make these years fun. However, if high school is the best time of your life, that would be awful … peaking at 18?! 

This latest first day of school got me thinking of students, and what we (or I) sometimes say to them.

Handing out locks and assigning lockers is one of the first chores we have to do in the PE department. I like to bring a little humour to this mundane job. The kids get a locker and lock to use for $5. Then, at the end of the year, when they return the lock, they get their $5 back. 

Now when the students first come to me, I like to say, “okay, you’ve heard the explanation, it’s $5 for a lock and locker in the boys’ change room … $20 if you want one in the girls’ change room!”  

You would not believe the smiles this brings out in a 15-17 year old kid, it’s like the smile you might see on Christmas morning, as he (probably) starts to imagine what having a locker there would really be like. Oh, I tell ya, it warms the heart!

I always try to number of the students randomly. I never use captains, because I don’t want anyone picked last. I get tired of just calling the teams by numbers, so I’ve tried to use names. Sometimes, I’ll go with a “prison” theme and name one team, the Guards, another team the Inmates, and maybe a third, the Young Offenders. Better yet, there’s nothing like naming teams the Thugs, the Hoodlums, and my favorite, the Punks. That way, you can encourage them, and still insult them (which is the most fun)! 

A typical PE class might sound like this: “come on you little Hoodlums, get a goal! Let’s go, you Punk, work hard!” 

Again, to see their little faces beam with their new team names, makes it all worthwhile!

I have softened over the years, especially when a guy gets hit in the groin. If you’ve been one of my readers for a while (all 47 of you), then you know that I was also hit once hard, by an errant golf ball. Until that horrible day, my line of choice to a poor lad hit in the groin went like this: “You okay, do ya want ice, or did you want to keep the swelling?” 

Oh, you might think that’s amusing, but it really isn’t, when about 10 or 11 guys chant it back to you at the driving range! Needless to say, I stopped using that phrase, and now that I’m older, and more of a “grandfather figure.” 

I’ve changed it up. Now, when a guy gets “canned,” I’ll ask very seriously: “why didn’t you get school insurance, you could have gotten your parents some money” … or: “I wouldn’t count on any Father’s Days in your future, Billy!” 

This way, they think you’re all concerned, but the laugh value is still there!

Of course if you have been a reader, then you know my favorite line happens in kickball or slo-pitch whenever the bases are loaded. In fact, my students now yell it after I begin the line. It goes like this, when I call it out: “bases are loaded?” they respond with: “like Mrs. Fule on a Saturday night!” 

To me, that’s a thing of beauty! I mean, I’ve brought joy and laughter to teenagers who really might need that in their lives. To me, it’s almost a duty that I must perform … for the kids, not me!

Sometimes, I like to bring in “environmental awareness” to our indoor polo games. The kids all have sticks with big foam ends, and the game is played like floor hockey. The stick really does look like a club, so I like to encourage my students to shoot the ball hard with a hearty, “club it like a baby seal!” 

It’s so educational to combine PE classes and a concern for the environment!

So there you have it, 32 first days of school down, and if all things go well, maybe another five! 

This will give me some time to think of new ways to encourage the “youth of today,” and as long as I can brighten their day, but more importantly mine, it’ll all be worth it!

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)