Things to never say as a teacher
Pat Fule
Fule for Thought
Now that I’m entering the “twilight” of my teaching years…I think back on some of my earlier years with a bit of humour mixed with alarm. When you’re young and in front of a large class, or coaching a team, you say things that the students can take for other things.
I’ve learned to be careful what I say, and I’ve dropped the more dangerous ones, or the ones that embarrassed me. So, sit back, have a laugh, but keep in mind these were actually, but innocently said out loud in front of my students.
When I was coaching the Sr. Boys Basketball team, I was always researching to find “quick-scoring” plays. I would try and disguise them with other names like Various U.S. state names, like Arizona, or Utah. However, when I was just starting out at 23, I numbered my plays, too. They went from 1-6, and I’d call them out at times for the boys to run. One home game early in the season, I called out: “4… run the 4-play, guys…4.”
Then as I called it out one last time, utter shock hit me, and laughter hit my players. “Run the play guys…4-play!…4-play!”
Now, in writing, it isn’t nearly as apparent to you until you say that aloud. Go on, say it right out loud…and now you see why I quit using that number for a basketball play!
As a young PE teacher, I also learned the hard way what not to say. For example, when you’re trying to get the attention of a Gr. 9 Boys PE class in volleyball, do not say: “Alright guys, that’s enough…hold your balls.”
It was a disaster, the guys fell around laughing, and I learned to insert the actual name of the sport WITH the balls.
“Hold your volleyballs” is a much safer and less embarrassing statement to say to Jr. High boys.
The movie “Austin Powers” changed an innocent volleyball expression forever. When a drill runs out of volleyballs, you’d need to send players to pick them up and bring them back to the bin, so the drill could continue. One stupid movie changed the Canadian meaning forever! I yelled out: “Guys, we need some of you to ‘shag’ the balls…everyone shag!”
This was not a good way to learn movie (or Brit) slang for what that word actually meant! Suffice to say, I never use it anymore, I tell players to collect, or get the volleyballs! Whatever I do, I never say “shag” anymore!
This is not to say that I’ve perfected my directions to my classes. All of SHS PE classes are Co-Ed, and I know that sometimes girls can get frustrated in games. It’s an age old problem: some boys don’t pass very often to girls. We’ve had to modify some rules to ensure this does happen more, but words used, can be bad. In one particular game, a couple of girls came to me expressing their frustration. They were mad that they were running back and forth on the court, but they weren’t getting any passes. I couldn’t blame them, I’d have been upset as well. So, while refereeing, I called out to the guys: “Use your women, guys…use your women!”
All I wanted to do, was get them to pass to the girls more, I swear! That was my latest regret…that’s not the thing to tell high school guys to do!
So, what have we learned today…I’ve learned that even with two university degrees, you can still get caught saying bonehead things. It’s easy to get misunderstood even when you’re trying to say something positive. Lastly, I’ve also learned that Jr. High guys and girls can have sick senses of humour!
(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)