Marriage un-advice (like that’s a real word)

Fule for Thought

 

First of all, I’d like to welcome my 49th reader to the incredibly slow-growing list. Also, after a recent column discussing my “obesity,” a big thank you to all the people who e-mailed me advice tips and plans to follow!

To my former student (now an adult) … I appreciate your efforts to help me at the bar, by trying to take away my pint of beer, but that went too far. And while I love all the advice, the various offers of “interventions” are unnecessary, unless they happen during “Happy Hour!”

With all the advice I’ve been getting, I started to think about that. Maybe there was something I could do to help in the “Advice Department.” 

So I came up with a little list to help new husbands, or husbands who haven’t quite understood their spouses. Please bear in mind, these are un-advice points, are not to be followed directly … for your sake! In point form, the un-advice is as follows:

1.) In a marriage fight, you should really go to bed angry. Oh sure, people have always told us the opposite, but consider this: if you walk away from the fight, you’ll wake up far more refreshed, after getting more sleep. Then, the emotions are less raw, and you’ll have had some hours apart (I’m assuming you’ll WANT to be on the couch, as it is a nice break from your routine). Wouldn’t it be far better to face each other the next morning, when both of you are calmed down, and you both feel rested?

2.) Be honest. It’s important for husbands to tell their wives the truth. For example, if you’re at a “get-together” for your wife and her friends, show her the truth. Let her know you’re bored to death, and you’d really rather poke out your eyes, than stay any longer! She’ll appreciate that she can count on you to be honest and she’ll welcome that opinion. This also should be followed when she asks about her outfits and her hair. Always, always, be brutally honest. After all, “honesty IS the best policy!” I recently read that this saying goes as far back as a Greek myth involving the messenger god, Mercury. Hey, if it’s 2,500 years old, it HAS to be right!?

3.) Always ask the price of anything she’s bought. If she comes home with a little “crafty” item, or new clothes, shoes, storage bins, or a purse, don’t hesitate to ask the price. This will show your wife just how interested you are in her life. Also, when you DO ask, she’ll be able to show you what a wise shopper she is, and how she was able to get things on sale. Oh sure, some of these items may still be expensive, but asking her prices, will demonstrate that you care about her day, and that you’re interested in what she does.

4.) Don’t be too free with apologies. Your wife wants a husband who’s strong. She’s always looked for that man who’s the absolute perfect, unattainable blend of strength and softness. If you’re too quick to say “I’m sorry,” you will throw off the balance. Save the apologies for the big things, like labour, when your wife is screaming in pain, and you remind her you have some bills to pay at the bank. The last thing she wants is someone really weak then, she needs your strength.

5.) Be quick to give advice. After all, life is short enough as it is. Part way through telling you all the minute details of her problem, jump in with a few points to solve that problem. That way, you’ll again show you’re a “take charge” kind of guy, and you value her time as a much as your own. Also, if you spend too much time listening to her, she may think you’re tuning her out. By cutting off her incredibly long story, you’ll show you’re an active listener and that you care enough to help your wife. She’ll appreciate your one solution so much, she may feel confident to not even talk to you for awhile. You’ll have gone far to empower her!

6.) Don’t spend too much time with her. Here again we go back to a very wise saying by someone from the 17th century, who is now dead. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” This wise, but long-dead guy, really nailed this one! Don’t clearly invite your wife to a Classic Car Show. She’ll just feel awkward there, and she’ll be working too hard, just to make you happy. Set her free … let her have her own “ME” time, she’s earned, I’d say! Also, she’ll then feel obligated to invite you to a Craft Show, and she’ll feel awful for having made you go.

7. ) Feel free to use these points in your relationship … go on, I DARE you! 

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)