Karma’s swift kick

Fule for Thought

 

I have a problem when anyone takes a fall or has a mishap. My problem is that my first impression is to laugh. It’s not that I want anyone to get hurt, it’s that the accident seems always hits my “funny bone.” 

The first time it happened, I was just a kid working his first paper route. It was a cold, snowy, and windy day. As I tromped from house to house, I kept my head down. That is, I kept it down until I saw the last house on my route. Far ahead as I hit a four way intersection, a lady was bustling around her car’s trunk, trying to get out bags of groceries. Before I knew it, her feet went up, groceries seemed to float out of her bags, and she went down on her back! I know I should have gone to help, but it was too hysterical for an 11 year old! I howled with laughter (good thing the wind drowned me out!) … and I cut back and around a house. I was doubled over with laughter, re-playing over and over what I saw!! The tears of laughter were actually freezing on my face!  

Finally, when I had settled down, I peered around the corner and she was gone. I didn’t see any flashing ambulance lights, so I figured she was alright. As I walked past her car to drop off the paper, I saw it … the accident site! It was snow covered ice with a big imprint … there were even bits of wrappers, and plastic! It was too much … I started again!! I quickly dropped off the paper and left laughing. Somehow, I knew I’d never be a first responder!

Later, in high school, came another unforgettable event. It was a Thursday after school, and we were leaving the next day for a volleyball tournament. It was serve practice, and one of the Jr. High Science teachers was working at one end of our small gym on a new scoreboard console. As he fiddled away on it, my pal Kirk hit the hardest serve I’d seen from him! It sailed, and it actually looked like it was a guided missile trained on the teacher with his thick glasses. The impact was tremendous (partly because it hit a teacher), and it hit him right between the eyes! His head went back (and to the left, back and to the left … Seinfeld JFK reference) and his head smacked into the brick wall! Kirk raced to see if he was okay, mumbling “crap, crap, crap!”

I however, left the gym on my hands and knees … I couldn’t control it! Out in the hallway, I lay in a heap of laughter, while teachers and kids walked by confusedly! It took a while before I could stop, and return to the gym, but of course when I saw the teacher and the mark of the ball on his face, I started again!

By now, you’re probably hoping for some karma … and of course it got me, REALLY BADLY. In my first year teaching at Samuel Crowther School, I was supervising the small gym of “noon hour volleyball.”

A colleague had joined me on the stage, and we talked as the game continued. The court faced us, and a Grade 12 guy blasted a hit, off a really nice set. It was a blast alright, and it went right for my fellow teacher and his cup of coffee! Don’t worry, as the ball smashed into him and his cup, the impact made him fling the coffee all over me! I was soaked in hot coffee, and utterly stunned! The students’ and his laughter, reminded me of something … oh yeah, me! Karma had struck, and as I shuffled away, dripping away coffee and all my dignity!

The last karma related event happened years after. I guess that’s the thing about karma … it can take its sweet time to nail you … it’s not going anywhere. My son was about two and we had gone to the Co-Op for groceries. As I was about to pay with a cheque (remember those days?) … I set Brennen on the little stand in his snow coat and winter boots. As I fumbled for the cheque book, he must have been swinging his feet back and forth, because I got a massive two-booted kick to the groin! The pain was excruciating! I crumpled to the floor to the sounds of Brennen giggling and fellow shoppers laughing! I couldn’t even grab Brennen to hold him as I fell … I felt like I’d been shot! I’m not gonna lie, I may have cried a little … I think I was able to control my bladder … I THINK! An older lady grabbed Brennen, and she held onto him, while Daddy tried to breathe again (by the way, I’ve seen child birth, and I think OUR pain is almost up there!  It may not last as long, but man, does it hurt!).

After “recovery” and paying, Brennen and I shuffled to the doors.

“Daddy, faw down,” Brennen giggled. “Why Daddy faw down?

“Daddy may have been ruptured, son! Let’s NEVER kick Daddy again, K?

“Okay, Daddy, you funny!”  

Oh, I’m funny, alright … but I WAS glad I’d bought a frozen bag of peas!

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)