Healthy ways to manage your anger

Counsellor’s Corner

 

Have you ever been annoyed while standing in line? Have you ever been so angry that you literally “lost it?” 

You’re not alone. Anger is one of those emotions that is important in our very struggle for survival. It has developed in humans as a protective factor by indicating that we might be in danger. It’s one of the hardest emotions to control because it defends us against danger by getting our bodies ready to run, fight, or freeze. But anger can also be devastating when we can’t effectively control it and we begin to engage in destructive behaviours when we are angry. These behaviours can have long term effects on our health, our relationships, and our overall wellbeing.  

Why are some people more hostile or angry than others? There are multiple factors in determining how we respond to situations and how we react to our anger. Our responses can be linked to our genetic makeup, the way we’ve been taught to deal with frustration and anger in our environment, the temperament we were born with (some people are just a little more cranky than others), and the way we think about situations. Humans are also built to protect themselves and when we feel threatened, we often respond with anger. Road rage is an excellent example. 

Although anger is a survival strategy, dealing appropriately with anger is the key to keeping yourself healthy. The trick is to control the anger before it controls you. Anger creates a physiological response in our bodies and as we get ready to fight, run or freeze, our bodies release hormones, adrenaline, noradrenaline and our heart rate and blood pressure increases. It’s the way that we deal with anger that causes stress to our bodies. By not effectively managing the anger response, long term stress can contribute to health challenges such as hypertension, increased blood pressure, depression, irritable bowel, chronic pain, and heart attack. Do you hold grudges? Do you become violent when you are angry? Do you get annoyed by “little things” and keep feeling annoyed when you think about the situation again? Do you stay awake at night replaying the situation over and over and still feel annoyed?  You may find that some of the suggestions below will help you reduce your body’s response to stress.

Strategies for reducing your anger response can include the following: 

• Remove yourself from the situation and take a “time out” so that you can get control of your response. Do some deep breathing (from your diaphragm). This allows your heart rate to slow down and your body to return to a calmer state. 

• Visualize a scene or environment that is calming. 

• Slowly repeat a word or phrase that will help you to focus, such as “relax” or “calm down.”

• Exercise – you may want to participate in a vigorous walk or do some yoga-like stretching.

• Learn to understand your triggers. Anger can quickly become irrational, so looking at the situation logically can often be helpful. Write down your thoughts and then examine your faulty thinking. 

• Practice better communication. Be assertive and not aggressive. We often “jump to conclusions” when we are angry. Identify what you need from the situation. 

• Use humour to help deflect the anger. 

• Counting to ten (or twenty or thirty) can help. Combined with deep breathing, this can actually help you to refocus and think more clearly. 

• Get lots of rest. We can easily be triggered when we are tired. It’s difficult for someone who is tired to not be irritable. 

• Practice “forgiveness.” Forgive others for not being perfect. Learn to understand that most people don’t try to anger us deliberately. Letting go of the faults of others allows us to focus on what is good in people rather than what is bad. 

Do you need counselling to help you with managing your anger? You might benefit from a couple of sessions with a counsellor who can assist you in identifying some tools which may help you in managing your anger. Your anger will always be a part of your “humanness” but when you can manage it effectively, you can create healthier behaviours which will work towards improving your outlook, your relationships with others, and your overall long-term health. 

(Karin Hitchcock is a Certified Canadian Counsellor. She has a private practice in Strathmore and works with clients who want to manage their anger in healthier ways.)