Animal house

Fule for Thought

 

You may have heard of the rabbit problem that the Town of Canmore had to deal with a couple of years ago. Deb and I actually know how it all got started. There was a man we knew who had a lot of rabbits in the 70s, and a bunch of them got loose. It took a while (even though they were rabbits), but eventually Canmore had a real rabbit problem – they were everywhere. They lived in wooded areas, under buildings, and a bunch hung out under the Seniors’ Lodge. I guess if you were Lennie from Of Mice and Men, you’d be in Bunny Heaven! Remember, he wanted to “tend da rabbits?”

My son had his own bunny situation, but it turned out to be a help, not a problem. When he was in his rookie basketball season at the U. of C. he and the other rookies had to face the dreaded “Initiation.”  

The older players basically got the rookies very drunk and shaved their heads to the skin. From what he remembers, the “party” changed locations a few times, and finally a totally bald Brennen was set free! Unfortunately, he had no idea where in Calgary he was, and he was still quite “loaded!”

He actually phoned us on his cell in the wee hours, to try and get navigated close to his basement suite. This is where the rabbits came in. A totally bald Brennen found his way close enough to the university and home by noticing rabbits! There are a large number of rabbits near the U. of C. for some reason. Some may actually been set free by students who didn’t want to dissect them in Biology! There was a fellow PE classmate of mine, who actually made a protest sign about this that read: “Frogs Okay – Bunnies NO Way!”  

Anyway, a very inebriated Brennen found his way home, all because a lot of rabbits lived near his place! They couldn’t help with his shaved head, though.

If you know elementary teachers, you know they’re always “on.”  

Even in Summer Break, they’re always thinking or planning about changing their classrooms, new methods or books to try, even things like class pets. There have been a few summers when the critters wound up at our house, until school resumed. That brings me to this summer. Debbie found a bargain on the “Strathmore Sells” site, and wound up with a small terrarium filled with sand, rocks, and not one, but two Hermit Crabs. First of all, I’m not big on anything that even remotely resembles a reptile, and these crabs are ugly! They actually leave one shell behind, and crawl into a bigger one. Now, you rarely see this happen, because only one crab actually does anything. He crawls around in his shell, with a good head of steam, so my kids named him Turbo. Well, Turbo actually got away while no one noticed, and a massive search was launched. We found him under a big couch, that I had to tip up, so Deb could get him. I thought about the crab, and asked Deb what crab was like barbecued? She did not find this amusing, and put Turbo back in the terrarium. The other one still was in his shell, although I’m still not even sure there are two, because I’ve never seen the one who’s always hiding. Oh yeah, he’s a really fun-filled pet … all you need to do, is watch the shell do absolutely nothing, and imagine what this crab might do!

You’d think that would be it for my elementary teacher wife, but you’d be as wrong as me. More bargain Internet shopping, and we welcomed another addition to the family.  Deb said he was a hedgehog, and my kids immediately named him “Sonic,” you know, from the Sega video game. I knew we were in for trouble when the lady who delivered him said, “he’s really stinky … we had to roll down the windows!”  

The cage was pretty dirty, and I was just getting used to this, when the other part of the cage came in!  This hedgehog didn’t have just a cage, he had an addition where he could go and exercise! When I saw the hedgehog, I realized why he needed the extra exercise cage! I thought hedgehogs were small enough to fit in your hand … but this one was huge! He snorted a lot, made some gross snuffling noses and waddled into his little house. I told Debbie, “that’s not a hedgehog, that’s a badger!”

This thing is a beast … the few times I’ve seen him, he’s a ball of quills, with a long snout, and he makes weird noises! Deb showed this fat rodent to me, while she held him with oven mitts, so she could pet him!  

“They” say hedgehogs can’t see well, but this one stared me down! I’m even scared to go near him on a “milk and cookie” run at night (you don’t think Deb got him from “Doc,” do you?)! 

So, now we’ve got new members of the family, we’re moving to another house, and I’m scared to walk near the badger’s cage! I know these guys are leaving when school starts, but it’s the first time I’ve ever wanted the Staples’ Back to School ads to start right now!

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)