A day in the life of a flood volunteer

Fule for Thought

 

The following are things our dog has done at various times (I have put them into one column and provided dog’s thoughts. I mean, it’s not like he’s going to correct me!)

• Wake up … owner still on my side of bed; make a note of that for tonight. Have to move over more, try lying sideways across bed … maybe he’ll get the hint. Can’t see Lady Owner … oh, there it is … hate that blow dryer thing!

“C’mon Brodie, I’ll lift you down … no more jumping off the bed for you, old timer!” 

• Old timer, what’re you talking about, I’m only 13?! Thanks owner, I was planning on lying on your bed all morning.  Now, how am I going to get back up when you’re gone?! Huh, head to dog dish, have a little drink. What, no Frosted Flakes yet? Oh well … save the sad look for later, when they’re ready to leave, the guilt always gets them!

“Time to go out for a hurry up, Brode … go pee! There, out you go!”

• Out I go? It’s frickin’ cold out here! Hey, what are you … you’re not comin’ out?!  Why do I hafta … I don’t even have to go! He’s gone. What to do, what to do? Snow bank looks good … think I’ll shove head in snow bank a few times. Yeah, feels good … that’s the ticket! Whoa, brain freeze! Brain freeze! Seemed like a good idea … not so much! Better scratch at door, they hate it when I do that. How many times … hmmmmm … six or seven should do it! Huh, owner looks mad … better bring out the sad look early!

“You didn’t do anything, dog! You have to go before we leave! Now, what are you doing?”

• Head for cage thing, check if that weird spiky guy is around. I’d love to freak ‘em out again with my patented nose to nose sneeze. He sure can waddle fast! Huh, not there … seems to be in that red covered thing, oh well. Let’s see what the girl kid’s up to. Door slightly closed … no need to scratch, and 1-2-3 push!

“Brodie, what are you doing, I was changing … get in here! You can’t just shove in like that!”

• Heh, heh, that’s one of my favorite things … gets her every time! Oh crap, pickin’ me up, she’s pickin’ me up … oh, I hate that! No, no, not the ears … not the ears … don’t wrap my ears in that scrunchy thing! I don’t wanna have a pony tail! I have a pony tail. How humiliatin’! 

“That’s okay, Brodie, I’ll take it off!” 

• Great! She’s put me down, now to make my break … but no, wait love this carpet! Think I’ll stay and lick it for a while … so good … so good. Mmmmmmm … love this carpet … maybe roll around a bit … rub my ear on it … yeah, that’s the stuff!  Gotta get some cereal, owner probably misses me. Whoa, look at the size of those stairs!! Who picked this house!? Whew! Winded, should waited for the girl to carry me; she’s a push over for the eyes!

“Here’s your cereal, Brode! Dig in!”

“Pat, you really shouldn’t give him that cereal, it’s got a lot of sugar, you know.”

“Aw that’s okay, Deb, he’s what … 80 years old in human years … let him have some treats.”

• Good job, owner … love this stuff! Mmmmmmm … good, now for a little water … oh, oh, I really do have to go! Get to the door on time, get to the door on time! And … scratch! Not coming … scratch more … scratch more!

“I thought dad already took you out, you little punk! Go quick … go quick!”

• Whoa, ease up on the pressure, there! A guy can’t go, if you’re gonna stare at ‘em! Go around corner … that’s better …. Yeah …. hit the lawn mower … mark the old territory, nobody’s taking owner’s stuff! Huh, look at that … smoke or steam or somethin’ coming off lawn thing … weird. Scratch at door … no one there, are they never gonna learn their jobs?! Where’s the girl … owner there … looks happy, aw why not, wag tail for ‘em … always works!

“In ya go, Brode. Good boy! Who’s a good boy?! Who’s a good boy?!”

• Well, if you’d have seen me hit that lawn mower, you’d know! Oh … wait, for it, wait for it … he’s going to … yeah, he’s going to …. now that’s the best, yeah, rub my ear, rub my ear! Now, down by the collar, go to the collar! Yeah, that’s it … can’t help it, can’t help it! Why does my back foot have to thump like that?! So weird, owner seems happy, too!

“Wanna go for a car ride, Brodie? Car ride?”

• Car ride, car ride, that’s my favorite thing! Love the new truck, too! Yeah, shove the seat forward, so I can see better!  Maybe, there’ll be some motorcycles today.  Love those motorcycles! Wait a second, wait a second! Is he, is he, is he? Yeah, he’s taking me to the dog park jackpot! Quick, quick, get me in there, get me in there! Hey, don’t know these dogs! Better sniff this one’s butt. Nope, don’t know ‘em … wait a second, wait a second, who the heck’s behind me!? Okay, time for freedom! And … run! And … trip in stupid gopher hole! Any of the other dogs see that? Nope, I’m cool, I’m cool.

”Time to go, Brode … car ride!”

• Where we goin’ now? Oh man, oh man, is this my birthday, and no one told me?!   D-A-I-R-Y Dairy Queen!!! I’m getting a cheeseburger! Okay, we’re parked, now remember the manners, don’t snap, don’t snap … don’t wanna screw this up!

“You’re a good dog, Brode! We’ll do this again, soon! Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?”

• And cue the tail wag! What a great day! Now car ride back to house, wag tail once more, and have a nap! This is the life!

 

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)