To curl, or not to curl … that is the question!

Fule for Thought

 

Oh Curling, how I wish I understood you! I mean I understand the basics of you and your strategies … but I don’t “get” you, or why people like you! I mean, we live in a place that can have harsh, cold winters. We all seem to long for escapes to warmer, tropical weather in winter. 

Yet many of us warm up the vehicles, scrape the windshields, and rumble off to the curling rink, only to spend over two hours IN cold, ON ice and sweeping a granite rock! I’ve tried to like curling, I really have. I even curled in the Mixed League for a while with Deb. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that it’s a sport and takes skill, but so does Shuffleboard, Hopskotch, and Horseshoes!

Curling in the Mixed League also taught me that my attention span in curling is limited. I feel like the dog in the Pixar movie “Up” where he’s distracted by anything … “Squirrel”! (only funny if you’ve seen the movie!). 

Deb’s tried to make me feel better about the sport. She’s described me as a “great little sweeper”… which means I played a LOT of “Lead.” 

Oh, and “they” always tell you, “you know the lead’s the most important position, because you set up the end.” 

All I know, is that I throw my two rocks, sweep my a*# off, and the rock, or rocks, are gone … taken out … dead! Then I spend the rest of the end sweeping others’ rocks, which is WAY too much like a yard chore on ice. It’s like someone long ago, said “hey, I’ve got a GREAT idea for a sport. It’s the coldest winter on record, let’s go on a frozen river with some really heavy rocks. I’ll push them so they slide … YOU sweep them!” 

Now, the other guy probably said that wasn’t fair, and they decided to take turns sweeping … sounds like a GREAT sport.

I got to watch Deb in the Canmore bonspiel this last weekend. She always curls with her dad and its become their tradition. It’s also become mine, as I have WATCHED these curling marathons for over 25 years! What drives me crazy, is that DURING the games, the Curling Club also has curling coverage or games on their flatscreen TVs! 

To me, that’s like being in a dentist’s chair, and he/she turns on the TV JUST so you can watch a Root Canal being done onscreen! There’s no escape for me! One lady even said she’d like it, if you could watch replays of certain shots in these LOCAL games! Hmmmmm, now THAT sounds great … DOUBLE  the boredom! Similar to this, I do live in fear of watching Deb curl, for one reason. At some point after the game, she’ll ask me something like, “did you see my shot in the fifth end?”  

Fifth end … I can’t remember YESTERDAY, let alone one shot in ONE end! I have tried to fake it and go along with the discussion, but usually she figures out that I have no clue about whatever shot it was, or how important it really was! I figure if I’m there … that’s pretty good … don’t expect too much from me!

At  the Canmore Mixed ‘Spiel, I had the misfortune to see a sight I have never seen in Curling before. Two teams must have known each other, and one was curling while the other watched. At some point I was told that at the far end, the Skip “mooned” the people watching! Then he (apparently) lay down in the rings so his “full moon” was broadcast via the ceiling camera to all watching in the lounge! In retaliation, or because of the drunken card game being played, one of the OTHER curling teams responded.  

“Press ham, press ham,” his team chanted. Before any of us knew what was happening, the guy dropped his pants enough to press his bare butt against the viewing glass! There was an uproar of laughter, but most of us sat there stunned. In all my years “watching” curling games, this was a first. I may never be the same again, I know the nightmares may come in the days ahead. They’ll probably be curling nightmares, but I DO dread the next full moon!

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)