‘Tis the Season

Fule for Thought

 

Christmas time can be a strange time for some of us. I mean, I want to be in a “Christmas Spirit,” but sometimes I don’t know what that is. Is it putting up displays, villages, lights … or is there something else? I feel like Charlie Brown when he asks about the true meaning of Christmas … what exactly IS it? I know that to me, it’s not putting up outdoor lights anymore. For years, like many of you, I have been putting up outdoor lights. I’ve been up on miserably cold days, as well as those days of Chinooks. Either way, I’ve come to see it as an unnecessary chore. You’re up on the roof, or an extension ladder, often in awkward and dangerous positions. Our house is a two-story one, so I REFUSE to do the top peaks. My daughter keeps hounding me, saying it would be more “Christmassy” (if that’s even a word) if I could put lights at the very top of our roof! I asked her if it would be just as “Christmassy” if she found dad crumpled up at the bottom of an extension ladder! The other ironic thing about putting up Christmas lights, is that no matter what, some Un-Christmas words slip out. Either I’ve scared myself, lights have flickered off, or a whole string has fallen. This usually results in curse words that really have no business being used in the season! I mean, the Baby Jesus has nothing to do with these coloured lights … why bring him into it? Anyway, I’ve discovered other husbands who also hate putting up lights, so I don’t feel so much like a Grinch now!

Christmas concerts are usually a big part of the season, especially if you have Elementary aged kids. These extravaganzas take a great deal of time and effort, for the teacher-coordinator and other staff. While the concert parts are being regularly rehearsed, classroom teachers are helping make things, organizing students, and guarding students so that they don’t start going crazy! The teacher directors have to keep the cast of “thousands” under control, help them learn their parts, and then hope for the best on Performance Night. Performance Night for parents is also huge, as you have to arrive the night before, and camp out, so that you can get a good seat! It’s like trying to get seats for an Eagles concert, or Sir Paul McCartney! Anyway, to those teachers and assistants who put on these productions … great work, it IS appreciated!

When I was in an Elementary concert, and we were onstage in our crepe paper vests ready to belt out our song and dance for the “standing room only” crowd, something unfortunate happened. One of my pals, Frank (fake name) turned a sickly shade of white. No, not white … more like transparent! Then  light flecks of green replaced that, and he began to wobble. When you’re in Grade 4 and your pal is wobbling on stage, what do you do? Do you break ranks and try to catch him, risking the wrath of the teacher? I think not, and sadly, I let my pal fall! It’s not easy to faint, fall, and vomit at the same time, but Frank did! It was going to be hard to dance with our partners near THAT hazard! We were commanded to drag him off stage, because we all know … “the show must go on!”

I think he did come to, but it was after our big scene. His one big shot at fame came the wrong way!

Christmas dinners and parties can be a lot of fun, too. At a recent Christmas Dinner, a friend told me about a time when he was hypnotized. He was made to dance ballet, among other things, and described it as knowing what you’re doing, but feeling like it was the best thing to do at that time. This was years ago, and the hypnotist left him with a last message: that whenever he hears “Cotton Eye Joe,” he’ll have no choice but to tap his foot! Now, I like to experiment, so I found the song on my phone, held it to his ear, and watched … yup, the foot was tapping. This was not enough proof, so later I casually requested the song from the DJ. THIS time, he couldn’t be prepared. Sure enough, I looked down, and that old foot was a tappin’ to “beat the band!”  

The next day I sent him the video on Facebook, with the caption: “just checking!”  

I don’t know if I’ll ever hear that song without wondering if his foot still taps. Luckily for him, the song isn’t a really common one! Can you imagine if the song was “Happy Birthday” … he’d probably have to get a cast on that foot!

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)