Things that go bump in the night

Fule for Thought

 

Halloween is a strange time for me. I’m not a big fan of putting on a costume, I find it uncomfortable in many ways. I don’t know  about you, but I always feel that “Trick or Treat” yelled at me, at my front door,  sounds like a threat … candy, or else!

One Halloween many years ago, we had a masked man come right into our house and sit at the kitchen table. At first, it was humorous, but as the time dragged on, it became weird. We tried to downplay it, but it was a very awkward situation. After a long time, I said, “okay, this has been fun, but who are you?” 

The person just crossed his arms and continued to sit. I have to admit, I got annoyed, and told him that he had three choices: unmask, leave, or I call the cops. He slowly left, and now 25 years later, we still don’t know who it was. Needless to say, Debbie was a bit freaked out at the time! Sometimes we’ve even thought about “killing” the lights to go see a movie on Halloween Night!

I must admit though, scaring someone CAN be a lot of fun! A few years ago, after visiting Deb’s grandfather in Cochrane, we were getting set to leave, when I had a brilliant idea. As Breanne and her friend sat in the van, I snuck around to Bree’s side, slammed the side window, and screamed as loudly as I could (this was similar to my coyote howl, and I (again) thought the kids were laughing). However, when I looked through the window, Breanne was actually crying out of fear! Part of me felt terrible, while the other part STILL found this funny. I don’t think I got any “Father of the Year” points that day!

The same situation presented itself at the U. of C. We had gone in to watch one of Brennen’s basketball games, and were leaving. I was sure Breanne and her friend went ahead with our keys, to the van. I stealthily snuck to the Silver Grand Caravan in the lot, threw open the driver’s door and again screamed a horrible scream! The strangers in their OWN van jumped in fright, as they probably thought I was some serial killer! Yes, I had stupidly picked the WRONG van! I apologized profusely, but they were too frightened to be able to reply! I’m sure they might have thought that THIS was going to be their last night on Earth! My daughter and her friend, of course, found this to be hilarious, as they watched me apologize to these terrified strangers!

“Good one, Dad … how old are you, again?” asked Breanne.

Back when I rented an apartment in university with my friends, I had a similar event happen to me. Kirk, who had been my friend since we were 10, was a prankster … I should have remembered this fact. One night, I had stayed up later than him, and the other roommate. All was black when I shut off the TV and wandered down the hall to my room. From NOWHERE (actually the closet), Kirk leaped out and yelled! He HAD to have been hiding in the closet for half an hour! I was absolutely terrified! Luckily, I was able to maintain control over the bladder, or this would have been REALLY humiliating. Secretly I vowed revenge. Some weeks later, I crawled under his bed near the end of the night … and waited … and waited …. and waited. He finally went to bed. I reached up from under the bed and grabbed him, while letting out a blood curdling scream. Yes, he was scared, but recovered quickly enough to figure out that I was now trapped UNDER the bed! Any time I tried to escape, I would be hit and smacked! 

Finally, he let me go, and we actually struck a pact to cut out the scaring … whew!

Here’s a fun thing to do if you’re driving in the dark near Strathmore’s cemetery. I was driving Breanne and her friend to a bar from Wildflower. As we got to the cemetery road, I zipped into the cemetery, braked, and parked as fast as possible, shutting off the headlights. I also UNLOCKED the power doors. Everything was black … we were IN the cemetery, the van was open, and the girls sat frightened … asking “why, and what are you DOING, Dad?”

I sat silently, refusing to answer. Finally, Breanne broke the silence.

“Dad, this is kinda creepy, and we’re not scared … can we just go?”

I was deflated, and we drove out of the cemetery. As we pulled away, I tried once more, and asked the two girls, “did you see it … did you see it?” 

“I see that you’re a dork, Dad. We’re not scared, and can we please just GET there?!”  

“Wow, I’ve never BEEN so scared”, Breanne laughed. Sarcasm … I should have never have taught her that! We drove away slowly … I looked once in my rear view mirror to see … nothing. There would be no frightened daughter tonight. After all those difficult Jr. High years, I needed this payback! What a let- down … to fail at this chance to scare her! Oh well, maybe NEXT Halloween!

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that appears in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)