Take me out to the ball game …

Pat Fule

Fule for Thought

 

Now that Spring has passed and Summer is here, you can hear the sounds of slo-pitch at the diamonds. You can also hear the regular claps of thunder, see the pounding hail/rain, and truly feel that it is baseball season in the County. Once upon a time (1970’s and 80’s), slo-pitch was not as popular as it is now. In fact, if a person suggested playing Co-Ed softball, he or she would be stared down! 

Back then, baseball and fastball were the two types of ball that were played the most. In the Canmore area, a very competitive Men’s Fastball league ran for many years, and had successful teams that played in the league and in “Cash” Tournaments. This column is not about any of those teams.

I played on the world’s WORST fastball team in the history of recorded fastball games. We were the Canmore Pistols, dressed in the Yellow/Green/White uniforms of the old Oakland As. Even the look of the uniform alone, should have warned me what the next three summers would have in store for me, but I ignored all the signs!  

The team was made up of players who left other Bow Valley fastball teams, and I slowly found out WHY they left … well actually they were encouraged to leave! The other players consisted of my brother (who we abandoned in a theatre … earlier column flashback!), young hippies who thought Woodstock was still going on, a couple of my ex-teachers, and me, who never played baseball – EVER! I was more of a basketball player, but hey, I thought … how hard could it be? I was to find out in more ways than one … it would be VERY hard.

Our first season, we went 0-24, as in NEVER being able to win a game, no matter what! We almost won one in mid-May, as we had the lead briefly, and a spring snowstorm hit at that time. I still feel it was a win, as they hadn’t scored 20 runs on us, AND we had the lead! Not only did we go 0-24, we did it with panache, with gusto , and with very little talent! We had a pitcher with hair so long, and in his eyes, I swear he could not see the plate! He had developed a brilliant strategy whenever we were facing loaded bases (by the way, NOW when we play slo-pitch in High School PE classes, if the bases are loaded, I have trained my students to follow my lead. I pitch for both teams, to be unbiased, and to make sure if anyone gets rocked with a line drive … it’s me.  Anyway, when the bases are loaded in class, I yell out: “bases are loaded”…???… and the kids respond “like Mrs. Fule on a Saturday night!”).

If you want to call the school division, I understand. Back to our hippie pitcher. His strategy, while we faced loaded bases, was to intentionally throw the ball PAST the catcher! Then he’d race home and try to tag out the run, as the catcher fired him the ball. The only drawback to his plan, was that he never told us WHEN he would do this! We were always surprised as one, sometimes two runs would score! I would stand sadly, huffing and puffing at Centrefield watching the chaos.

I was huffing and puffing usually, because we often lost by scores of 35-3, or 41-5! THAT meant there was an incredible number of hits … usually high ones deep to ANY field, or screamers over second base. I actually got down to 165 lbs. in this season! (Hmmm…maybe we should get the boys back together!)  

Because I never played before, I was a fearless batter … that also meant, I led the team in getting hit by pitches! In fact, in one game in Cochrane, I was hit three times! I found this to be a pretty good strategy, as I’d get on base (wounded) and had some speed to be a threat. However, you did need SOMEONE to be able to hit eventually, so THAT was also a failed strategy!

We had one player who shall remain nameless, but he was the most unusual character I’ve ever met. He was a wild partier (sometimes DURING the games), and he always was up to something crazy.  

In fact at one of the fastball tournaments I missed, the organizers had a “petting zoo.”  

I’ll bet you’re starting to guess where this is going! Yep, he decided when our games were done … (winless, I’m sure!), that he’d like to barbecue.  

So, when no one was looking, he hopped the fence, bat in hand, bonked a piglet on the head, and had pork for supper! People always wondered what became of him, and you’d be surprised he settled  into a relatively normal family life.

There was one other player who stands out to me from the old Pistols team. He was up to bat in a game, and a screaming fastball hit him on the knuckles of one hand. The skin was torn back to reveal a bloody mess. After a brief delay, his hand was wrapped, and he was on first base. A walk happened next, followed by a Pistol hit to shallow right field (hard to believe, I know). He sprinted to third with his bloody hand pumping with the other … only to be hit in the head by the throw to third base! He was knocked out, and as usual, we lost! I don’t think he cared, and I don’t think he even remembered. I’m so thankful for all he did for me, for all his sacrifices, all so I could have a better life. 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that will appear in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)