Pubs: for what ales you!

Fule for Thought

 

If it’s one thing I love in this world, it’s a good pub! Not that Mrs. Fule allows me to get too carried away anymore … something about a reputation to keep! There may have been a time when I might be tempted to “carry on” a bit, but sadly those days are now few and far between. 

Sometimes a person’s reputation can be affected without even doing anything! One Saturday about eight years ago, Debbie and I went to the Station for some wings and a pint. Honestly, that’s all we stayed for. We arrived at 7:30 p.m. and were home by 9 p.m.

We had a nice, quiet time, and everything seemed normal. Then on the very next Monday, one of my Grade 12 P.E. students piped up near the start of class. “Mr. Fule, you sure are a party animal, you were at the Station Saturday, weren’t you?”

“Yes, I was there, my wife and I didn’t stay long, though. We had a busy Sunday to face,” was my quick response. I didn’t think anymore of this, but this student was not satisfied.

“Come on, Mr. Fule, you were there ‘til really late. I worked until 1 a.m., and I could hear your name all night,” was his reply.  

Could I have blacked out after an order of wings and one pint? Was I starting to lose my mind? No, I knew I was innocent, but he wasn’t willing to believe me. In fact, every time I passed him the hallways, he just smiled, as if he had caught me red-handed! I tried to convince him, but to no avail!

Then on another Saturday evening at the same pub, I ran into some grads. They had been at this pub on that same night my student mentioned. I asked how they did in “Name That Tune” that night, and they told me a strange thing. Their table had named themselves “Pat Fule.”  

So all that night, while Deb and I were home, their Trivia team (Pat Fule) played this DJ/Music game! The host would go to each table, and what my Grade 12 student heard was: “Let’s go to Pat Fule for an answer” … “oh, Pat Fule got that one wrong,” or: “Pat Fule, that’s correct for 10 points! It was my NAME that got me in trouble! Why couldn’t they have chosen another teacher’s name … or the principal’s!!

Later that summer, at my mother-in-law’s retirement, we had gone to the Drake Pub in Canmore, and had a really fun time. The manager, a friend of my in-laws, invited us to his house for a bonfire. I don’t think his wife was too thrilled, because she hustled the kids into the house, and pretty soon it was dark. After awhile  “nature called” and I had to make a “pit stop.”  

The house was completely dark, so I wasn’t going to risk going in. Our friend said, “just head that way toward the tree line, you’ll be fine.” So, I took his advice, and on this pitch black night, I walked toward the trees. 

You know those old cartoons where Wiley Coyote would go off a cliff? … that was me. I had walked right off a five-foot retaining wall!  

For a second or so, I felt like Old Wiley … in fact, I did feel like I was walking on air. Then, like the cartoons, I dropped like an Acme anvil and hit the ground! Everything hurt at once … I had the wind knocked out of me, I twisted one ankle a bit, and I had scrapes galore. Once I could breathe again, I crawled back to Deb. Rather than the nurturing I needed, I was welcomed by her mom and her, laughing hysterically! I might’ve said something, if I had been able to take a breath to speak … but I couldn’t!

To add further insult to injury, I explained back at the fire (to more laughter) what happened to me.  

“Oh, said our friend (I didn’t FEEL so friendly at the time) … everyone in Canmore knows about the retaining wall! All my pals just pee off it!”  

I couldn’t believe my ears … he had neglected to give me that information of the wall! I quickly felt all my clothes … good, they were dry. I sat closer to the fire than normal … just in case! I decided that the next time we visit the Drake in Canmore … I’m staying at the pub! It’s a lot safer, and has indoor plumbing!!

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that will appear in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)