Isn’t it ironic?

Fule for Thought

 

My English students at SHS know that I find “irony” to be very interesting. Many times irony occurs in language or literature, but it can also happen in real life. In fact, we often face situations where we expect one thing, and the opposite actually happens. These events can be very stark and serious, or take more humorous forms.

You would think that there could never be humour on the day of my mom’s funeral. I thought it would be a long time before I found anything humorous, and yet just before we left my childhood home for the funeral, irony was there! My dad was getting dressed and ready to go, and the mood was very somber. From out of my parents’ room, came a loud yell, mixed with tears, mixed with laughter. My dad (who never had a lot of hair) was using a bit of hair spray, as the day was snowy and windy. Deb and I rushed into the room to find that what he grabbed and thought was hair spray, was actually “Pledge!”   He was in shock, and then I asked if he wanted me to give him a little “buff”… to shine up the old head? We hugged, laughed, and cried, and I realized humour sometimes comes when you least expect it, or when it may be needed.

Twelve years later, my dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack, as he was loading his truck and boat for a day of fishing. Again, we were destroyed by the shock of his death … no one expected it so suddenly. After going to see him at the hospital, we decided to get over to his place. As we looked over his truck and boat, Debbie noticed that Dad had packed two cans of beer and a thermos of tea.  

“Oh, Joe,” Deb laughed, as she smelled the thermos. He had packed a thermos of tea, alright, but it was mainly Rye Whiskey! We both started to laugh, because that was my dad. He had died preparing for a fun day of fishing, and we saw and smelled, just how fun it WAS going to be! We never expected laughter this day, but ironically Dad’s packing made it happen!

You would think a University instructor could be trusted, but you’d be wrong. I trusted my swimming instructor, who was also the U. of C. swim coach. By now, all 16 of you readers (my numbers have gone up by three!) know how bad I am in water. I left my swim class until the very last semester of my B.PE courses. By nights, I was in a course for non-swimmers called “Aquatics Anonymous.”  

There, I tentatively learned to blow bubbles with my face in the water, and as well learned to tread water in what they called a “Dead Man Float” (nice name for a drill when you’re terrified of water!).  

I also learned to go off a diving board wearing a life jacket! I never realized how far down you go when you hit water! Anyway, during the days, I was in a large Swim class on one end of the pool. I tried not to stand out, as if THAT would be possible! Here’s where the irony came in.  

“Pat,” said my instructor/torture. “I think you’d be better off in the 1 p.m. class. It’s smaller, with a lifeguard, and you’d get way more 1-on-1 instruction.”  

This sounded like a great idea! I thought if anyone knew what was best for me as a non-swimmer, it would be the Swim Coach. Oh yeah, the class was smaller alright, AND it was in the DEEP end of the pool! The one guy I trusted, saw that I was hopeless in the shallow end, and he figured I’d be better in the DEEP end??!! Oh, Irony … you’re a harsh teacher! As it turned out, I barely passed, and I could only “swim” across the pool along the bulkhead divider! It was my lowest mark in University, but I was never so happy to see a “D” on my transcript! (Hmmmm … another example of irony … a low mark that actually saved my butt!)

Another poor lady got her own dose of irony. You’d think if you’re scared of water and snorkelling, that your family could be trusted. One of my friends was on a Hawaiian holiday, and the family went snorkelling in a shallow bay. The mother-in-law had been coaxed by everyone to try snorkelling, and that they’d be right there to help her. She TRUSTED her son-in-law (bad decision!). As she “snorkelled” with her masked face underwater, she began to feel better about it all. Just then her son-in-law found a dead Moray Eel (big, fierce teeth and all)!  

She inched along, and he used the eel like a puppet, moving it up, and directly at her. As he did this, the eel’s mouth, and razor-like teeth, opened wide RIGHT in front of her mask! Needless to say, she was terrified and burst out of the water, screaming. The son-in-law had a great laugh, but was met by a cold, icy stare from his wife.  

Huh … you’d think Hawaii wouldn’t get such a massive cold front over the bay like that! It would be awhile before my friend got out of the “doghouse,” but he still feels it was worth it! 

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that will appear in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)