Hair (not the musical!)

Fule for Thought

 

Many guys my age have always felt worried about hair loss. Ours and (previous generations) REALLY wanted to keep our hair as long as possible. We were always worried what would happen if the hair went … and in the 70s, long hair was a BIG thing!! I remember watching a NFL game and the receiver was a guy named Fred Biletnikoff. He had long, flowing hair hanging out the bottom of his helmet … he looked SO cool! Imagine my shock when he took off the helmet and he was virtually BALD with hair only hanging down from above his ears! I always wondered … why bother with the long hair … what’s the use?

This fear of hair loss would explain the many “infomercials” dealing with this with their pills, lotions, weaves, toupees, heck even spray- on- stuff to “cling” to the hairs you’ve got! If you remember an earlier column, some men will even latch on to any idea, like cracked eggs rubbed into the scalp! I had a friend in high school who was terrified he’d lose his hair. He’d been told by “someone” that washing your hair too often, caused it to fall out faster. So, this poor guy would let his hair go for days without washing it … it became a straggled, greasy mess. He’d have been better off with no hair than what it looked like in high school!

Men have often dealt with hair loss differently. Some (like Rene’ Levesque and Donald Trump) have mastered the plastered “comb-over,” so it looks like you still have hair, only parted on the side. With Levesque though, HIS part started around his collar and was greased straight over his head! He must’ve been terrified of any wind gusts! I have seen photos of Donald Trump boarding one of his planes in a windstorm. The poor guy looks like he has a “flag” of orange-gray hair attached to the side of his head!

That’s why I admire this new generation of men. If they notice some thinning, they shave it right down to the bare skin! They’re not afraid to deal with it, and why not? It’s become fashionable for guys to shave their heads, and some action stars like Bruce Willis look fine. In fact, there’s a new article out that shows men with thinning hair who shave it, are perceived to be more “manly” and better leaders! Where were these articles when I was in 11th grade!

However, when you’re a child of the 60s and 70s, it’s hard to shake the idea that having hair is essential. Luckily, my hair has hung around a lot longer than I thought. However, I still cringe when it’s really windy, or when it starts to rain. You can look okay with thinner hair, until the rains hit! I’ve even tried dodging the rain drops, if I don’t have a hat or umbrella! Once the hair DOES get wet, there’s no more hiding, or dodging the issue, as there’s more head showing than hair!

The first time I shaved my head was in 1999 for a big school fund-raiser for Cancer. I had agreed that at $7,000, my hair would go. However, I didn’t “get” the rules … I thought they had to raise $7,000 just for me. I didn’t realize it was a running total for the whole staff, and when each teacher’s goal was reached, out would come the clippers! It was then I discovered that luckily, I have a very round head, just RIGHT for shaving. In fact, my bald pate resembles “Casper the Friendly Ghost”!  

The latest head shaving happened this past Friday. Strathmore High had finally held our first Terry Fox Run. I told the students that if we hit $3,500 in money raised, the person who raised the most could shave my head at lunch time. The little brats raised $6,300!   So, off came the hair, and sadly … the eyebrows, too! That part was never told to me, so you can imagine my shock!  

It took a matter of minutes before I was called many things. Some said I looked like “Dr. Evil” from the Austin Powers movies … others said Mr. Clean, and MY personal favourite was “Stone Cold” Steve Austin!  

What REALLY hurt though, was an e-mail fired to all staff before the end of the day. It described a new teacher on staff, and a photo … of Uncle Fester from “The Addams Family”!   

Wow … that one hurt. I’ve also discovered the purpose of eyebrows. Any kind of exercise that causes sweating, is no longer kept out of my eyes … and THAT stings. At least that’s what I tell everyone, ‘cuz being called Uncle Fester HAS made me tear up a little! 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that will appear in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)