Golden Slumbers” … (Thanks John, Paul, George … Sorry Ringo!)

Fule for Thought

 

When you are a new parent, you might think you would miss the intimacy of being a couple … of those WILD nights together (YOU know what I mean!) … (Okay … now we’re back on a planet where people actually breathe Oxygen!).  

The ONE thing that ALL new parents miss the most is … SLEEP! I’m going to get “All Shakespeare” on you now, because he (whoever THEY think he was!) wrote in “Macbeth”, that Sleep : “…knits up the ravelled sleeve of care.”  

In other words (for those of you who stayed after the word “Shakespeare”), sleep is the thing that helps us rest, and it also can ease our worries (and you thought I was bluffing about understanding Shakespeare … shame on you!).

Sometimes in REAL Life, it takes a long time, and a LOT of patience to get your kids to go to sleep. Oh sure, we’ve all tried reading stories … having a quieter time before bed, a favourite stuffed animal (not the one grandpa shot!), warm milk, a night light … Blah, Blah, Blah!!!   

What we want as parents is that when it’s bedtime, and the story’s been read … the kids will actually go TO sleep! I used to be so tired at “Bedtime Story Time,” that I’d hold a few pages of a book together … fake it … and hope my kids wouldn’t catch on! But we all know, they do … and I was forced to read that same DAMN book for the fitth time that week!

One night, I had FINALLY gotten the kids to bed, and in the middle of the night, my daughter Breanne began to cry. Oh horror of horrors .. the night light was out! This sadly, was a big deal to my 18 month old daughter! I rushed around, trying to find a light bulb to replace the “dead” one. I looked everywhere, trying to find a replacement … to no avail! I decided, that at 2:30 a.m. on a school night, maybe a Christmas light would do the trick! After pulling down all the Christmas lights in the basement, I found a yellow one, put it in, and quietly (like a Ninja) … went back to bed. Before she even cried, I knew. I had picked one of those stupid, annoying lights that BLINK!! When I went back, she was on the verge of tears … all because of that stupid, yellow, blinking light!  

Because I can be stubborn … I tried four OTHER lights that ALSO blinked, before I found one that just GLOWED yellow! (You’d think I would bring up a handful of lights to try!!). Breanne and I were finally able to sleep! I looked at the clock … it read 3 a.m., AND SHE WAS FINALLY ASLEEP (little did I know this same situation would happen regularly, when she was 21!!).

For those of you hoping that this ONLY happens with baby girls … be warned!! 

When we were still a very young married couple (…okay, Debbie was the YOUNG one!) … we volunteered to be part her school’s year end “Progressive Dinner.” (Word to the wise … NEVER volunteer to host Dessert!)  

Now, Brennen (as a baby) had a TOTALLY regular routine: up at 6:30 a.m. for about four hours, then back to bed (hopefully to nap). Our LAST guests left at 5:30 a.m.!!

We were exhausted … and tried everything to politely hint … cleaning up, wiping counters, emptying ashtrays (remember those?) … finally we were alone! And of course, my son woke up at 6:30 a.m.!! He didn’t seem to CARE that we’d only had one hour of sleep!! Thank God we were young, and that it was a Saturday, so we could take “Baby Shifts!”

Sometimes, it’s the grandparents who want to sleep. Many of you know my In-Laws (remember the “old friend” who got locked out of the motel room?). They love to be active, and they lead an ACTIVE social life … (YOU know what I mean!)

Anyway, our kids started a morning ritual when we visited the G-Rents (cool kids’ slang … who knew?). Whenever they woke up, my kids would take their stuffed toy rooster, smack its butt, it would then “crow,” and scare the crap out of my In-Laws, who REALLY wanted to sleep! The G-Rents were not able to run, or hide, and of course … it HAD to be cute, ‘cuz their grandkids were doing it (I think they learned that staying out late was HAZARDOUS to their health)!

Many years later, you would think that now (like many of you) .. and our kids are adults, we’d have a return to great sleeps. But, oh no, the kids conned us into a FAMILY DOG!!  

THEY grew up … and LEFT!!! Brodie “the Wonder Dog” is worse than the two of them! He (because we’re dumb!) … is used to sleeping on OUR bed! So now, instead of kids wrecking our sleep, we have a four-legged fur ball that hogs a King-Sized bed, snores, dreams, passes “gas”, and then has some stupid “instinct” to JAM against us all through the NIGHT!!!!  

People tell you that once you have kids, you’ll forget EVERYTHING about the “Single Life” … all I know, is that I slept a WHOLE LOT better THEN! 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that will appear in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)