Baby blues

Fule for Thought

 

I told my wife when we were planning to marry, that I didn’t think I’d be a good father. I may actually even have tried to talk her out of this. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy we raised two kids (a lot more broke, but happy)!  

It’s just that I didn’t think I’d be good with the whole changing diapers thing, the crying, potty training, nightmares, fears of thunder, arguments, falls while learning to walk, stitches … more crying … if you’ve been there, you know. I really didn’t think this was a good idea – I mean I wasn’t a big fan of little kids crying in restaurants, either.

So, we decided to “try” for a baby. To women, that may mean we are “trying” to conceive … to a man (because of how we’re made) … it means a LOT of, well, you know (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)!  

I thought we’d try, and it would take a while. Other friends had told us that it sometimes takes MONTHS … once again, that’s good news for a man! However, in our case, it was like we decided to try, and almost immediately, I was going to be a father! How could this have happened so fast, we just decided, and Deb’s pregnant? I had no real time to mentally prepare for the concept of being a father, and NOW I was going to be one! 

Debbie was one of those rare pregnant moms who faced morning sickness. However, in her case, it was every day! With no exaggeration, she was sick every day of her pregnancy, and even 12 hours before Brennen was born, she was still getting sick! Now, she was brave … she wouldn’t take any medicine for this, she wanted the baby to be as safe as possible. Me, I got used to delivering soup, crackers, toast, and juice to her. I’m not going lie, it was almost like being single again! Sure, I know she suffered a lot, but I did deliver stuff to her room. And if I just happened to have each and every evening to myself for sports, action movies … that wasn’t MY fault!

For both of our children’s births, we happened to watch some weird movies, the night before labour. With Brennen, it was a strange Vampire comedy-drama from the 60’s. I really think it brought on Deb’s labour! We rushed to the Strathmore hospital, and the labour began in earnest. If you’re an expectant father, let me tell you, labour looks really painful! The contractions scared the crap out of me, and I felt I shared some of her pain. That’s because Deb REALLY squeezed my ring finger hard … now THAT was pain!  

The doctor got there just as Brennen was ready to be born … whew, I thought I might have to do the delivery. It reminded me of “Gone With the Wind” when the maid says “I don’t know nuthin’ about birthin’ no babies!”  

It had been a difficult labour, but a quick one, and now I got to see my son. He was really pretty grey, and had jet black hair. In fact, for a while, we toyed with the idea of Jett as a name. You know … Jett Fule … get the joke!? I changed my first diaper that night, as Deb was in a lot of discomfort … NOBODY prepares you for THAT!

With my daughter, we were given a due date of Christmas Eve, 1990. My wife is not a patient person … when she is given a date/time, she wants it then. It was as if Breanne was showing us how our life with her was going to be. Everything was destined to be late from then on! Breanne missed her due date by almost a month, and was born Jan.20, 1991!! We never thought she was going to come out! When she was born, she was very wrinkled, VERY ready to be born … she even knew curse words as she came out (Debbie and her “potty-mouth”, I guess)!   

I had told Deb that we could stop at one child, because she had been so sick. Of course, many people said that the second one is so different from the first, she’d be fine. She WASN’T fine … she was sick every day again! The trouble now, was that I had a little guy sharing my Man Cave! WE went from football and hockey, to Woody Woodpecker and Power Rangers … life had changed for me!

Again, a weird movie was watched by us on the night before Breanne’s birth. Somehow, we had rented the Johnny Depp movie “Cry Baby.”  

If you haven’t seen it, don’t. Or if you do, watch when your wife is expecting, because it, like the other one, brought on labour! I do have to say that Breanne was a beautiful baby, especially when compared to Brennen’s Gremlin-like appearance! She had no hair, long fingers, and a pretty face. This kid didn’t scare me like the first one! She was easy to take places, as there was no hair to brush. We even have a picture of Brennen using a toy power tool, trying to buff her head! So, Breanne took her time being born, and this has continued her whole life. She was late for school almost everyday, and she’s still late in her 20’s!

 

(“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that will appear in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca)