Attack of the Suction Cup!

Fule for Thought

 

Many new fathers are anxious about a new baby. Changing, holding, feeding, are all new to us as dads. Sometimes we even go to odd lengths to win the affections of our new kids!  

I was one of those dads, and for awhile felt a bit awkward around our first-born son. He was devoted to Deb, but I kind of felt he saw me as “some guy” who was just around the house (come to think of it, that’s still how he sees me)! In fact, when he was at the crawling stage, we actually had a competition.

The “match” was in June … the location, our kitchen floor … the stakes … bragging rights as to which of us “the boy” liked better.  

The proof … would be in seeing which one he crawled to when called. Debbie didn’t have a chance, because I had a secret weapon. Oh, this was not just a little trinket … in all its colourful, plastic glory, it was: Mickey Mouse on a trapeze with a suction cup at the bottom. It was originally used on a stroller, kind of like a hood ornament for babies.  However, it was to be my device to win.

Deb and I sat on the kitchen floor away from each other. We started to call Brennen (I know, he’s not a dog, but we had to settle this)!  

As we called, I raised the secret weapon, wet the suction cup bottom, and … stuck it to my forehead. It was glorious … Brennen crawled as fast as his chubby legs could go … to ME!  

Then savouring the victory, I got Brennen to bat at Mickey on his trapeze. It was awesome, he had come to me, and was now making Mickey spin on his trapeze, batting him as it stuck to my forehead. Victory was mine … but then I noticed the toy was starting to pull at my forehead … it began to hurt, to throb! Brennen kept playing away, and the suction cup seemed to be pulling out my skin, sucking out my brain!

I panicked, and called to Deb for help, only to watch her run off laughing, to get the camera. She got back in time to see me pull the toy off my forehead with a mighty “SMACK”! I felt instant relief and of course, Debbie snapped pictures. I asked what was so funny, and she replied, “go look in the mirror!”  

In the mirror I saw, to my horror, a perfectly round, perfectly purple “hickey”! It seemed to pulsate, as if it had a mind of its own. The pain had gone, but I suddenly realized I had to supervise high school finals the next morning in our gym! Once Debbie stopped laughing, she recommended “foundation!”  

I smeared it onto my forehead until it looked semi “normal”, and hoped it would pass. Debbie wasn’t done with me yet. She took me for a drive, we met her principal! I slunk in the passenger seat with my hat pulled down, silently pleading for her not to stop again.

The next day, I was able to cover it, get through the day, so I could drive home. As I drove down the street, various Brentwood kids did some strange salute to me as I passed them.  

With one fist to their foreheads, they mimicked my ripping off the suction cup. Debbie had told them! For a few years, I would get this odd salute, and we tried the same toy stuck to our car hood. It stayed on perfectly, no matter our speed. It really was a powerful weapon!  

It had bought me a victory, but the victory had a cost … my dignity. I have since heard of other fathers and other suction cups. We’re planning a support group and annual meetings.

“Fule for Thought” is a slice of life humourous column that will appear in the Strathmore Times, written by long-time resident, town councillor, high school teacher, coach, husband and father of two – Pat Fule. If you would like to get in touch with Pat, you can send him an e-mail at Pat.fule@shaw.ca.